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Why your perfection hinders you from being successful & lucky

In the past I met lots of people who really strived to be perfect or were busy with pretending a perfect life. Both of these activities are totally against yourself. But let me tell you why. If you try to be perfect, then you will put your “goals” and “values” so high, that you barely can achieve those.

People who want to be perfect, don’t focus at one talent they have. They want to have it all: A clean home, a great career, a good relationship with their wife, a spectular connection to their kids and good friends as well as vacations, voluntary stuff going on beside this, bring healthy and in shape… the list will never end.

That kind of path is very stony. The problem is: You put huge stones in front of yourself which hinder you from being grateful and enjoy the moment, because you always want to have it perfectly and it is not that perfect at every minute of your life. So you will not feel happy at all, because you will just try to do it perfectly and thereby realize that it isn’t.

The other activity to pretend that your personal world is perfect, is a very bad emotional state too. Why? Because you pretend that your life is great, while in reality you could need some help. But you don’t admit because you want to show that you are great and that your are strong.

Perhaps you already know that I am married and my spouse was born in northern iraq. In the kurdish culture as well as in all the other oriental cultures, superficial perception of others get a lot of attention.

Many of my clients are orientals, it does not matter if you were born in turkey, afghanistan, iran or syria… I understand your kind of thinking and feeling, because I feel very familar with the oriental mind. As I finished school we had that book where other pupils will write about you. One person commented that I am an oriental soul in a german body. I laughed at it. But I assume that I can build a bridge between orient and the western world because of my character and my experiences with foreign people.

Most people try to show their best side, and thats good. But often people put too much pressure on their own shoulders because they are afraid about the other persons opinion. As a child an oriental girl as well as a boy will be told: Don’t do this or that, because people would think bad about you/us. Family comes first. And you are representing the honour of that family with every step you make or don’t.

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A clean home means- I am a good person. Preparing lots of good food- is an unspoken rule. Your clothes, your style, your manners everything will be recognized and can lead others to speak about you. Allthough oriental people are the most charming and loving people I ever met, they really need to be connected with their inner voice again. Because the voices of all other people around them will be so loud and be overrated, because they were used to grow unselfish.

For sure everybody wants to be representing the best of himself. But if you do things because you are afraid of being judged by others, then its against yourself. If you clean your messy home, because to feel comfortable and to make your home a heaven, that is different. Its for you and your comfort. If your home is filled with good vibes, a visitor will feel happy and welcome there too. If you clean because of others– you will hate the task and you will hate the other person, before that crosses the doorstep. ;O)

Over the years I developed lots of organizing skills, but until today there are times where my house is a mess, especially if my mind is too full and I cannot get everything finished as I want it to. Oriental visitors can appear very spontaniously. Knock-knock! There is a kurdish speech with says:

vistors are like rain, they come suddenly!

Of course I adapted a lots of trained attitutes all over the years in that binational relationship with a big family. Spinning all these plates around is a masterpiece: Cooking spontaneously for 20 people, cleaning the house, taking care of our children beside this, then entertaining the visitors and bring those people to malls or special places…and just keeping on going the business beside this, the laundry, my sports exercises, and all these other things which might happen…

And I always was seeking to be full of perfection. And… surprisengly as I changed my mindset about perfection– I really increased my success and the level of happiness after given up my old dogmas. People will meet my real me not a person who pretends to be friendly and kind but is totally overwhelmed.

I really had both activities inside me… seeking for perfection and pretending to be perfect, which is now a NOGO for me anymore. If people want to speak about me, I will not have the ability to stop them. But what I can hinder is that their backbiting will hit me anymore. If somebody loves me, then because of ME, not because of my house, my tasty food or any other superficial thing in the world. If somebody does not like me, I prefer that person to avoid me.

While in the past I always wanted me to fit with everybody, today I am aware about the fact that I am polarizing and it is an advantage, really.

I can promise you that if you try to be perfect you will miss the whole life and the deeper impressions it delivers to you. Being perfect is an unreachable goal, because nobody is perfect. We strive to be perfect, but we aren’t, we will never be. And that reminds me of the picture of a donkey who has that carrot in front of his head:

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And the donkey is running and running and trying to reach that carrot in order to eat it, but he will stay hungry because his owner putted the carrot in front him in order to let that donkey run and transport stuff.

Time is the most expensive thing we have.

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If you spend all your time in being perfect, you will just always see the carrot but not eating it.

  • If a writer would erase every single word which he wrote because of imperfection, he would never publish anything
  • If a runner, would avoid a race because he assumes not to do it perfectly, he will not develope at all, because he stops himself to do a great run and have that experience.
  • If a technician would not give a devise or a software a test in order to refine that product or program an invention or upgrade could not happen at all
  • If a musician would just wait and always try to be more perfect before performing that written song, perhaps he will be sorry at his deathbed, because he missed the opportunity his whole life to release that song

Why do I write about this? Because imperfection leads to success! Its not about to be the best at your first step. Its about to have the courage to go and be totally you, uncensored and authentic. The world is full of pretenders & wannabes. They are not perfect at all. 

If I would give the perfection more power then my creativity and my heart, then I would not publish any content nor do my job as wedding visionary as good as I do know.

You can easily get lost in the details. If you strive to perfection you will not perform as good as if you go out, do your thing and then wing it. Perhaps you wonder about my mindset. My own experience can teach you that people who get creative and smart in situations where others would quit, need to let go all these superficial perfection.

One costumer asks me why I am so steady, allthough her case is not confirmed right now. She was so uncertain and really got overwhelmed, that she always asked me for an advise. That does not sound perfect. But there are cases where it needs more time to check the papers. Actually italy passports or residence cards need to be controlled by the danish police office, before a wedding office can give the permission for a marriage. That is why some people tried in the past to marry with faked documents.

I told her: We are sitting on a boat. And while we are sailing with our ship on the ocean suddenly a storm appears. So you got stressed out and are concerned about the outcome… should I get stressed out too? Or would it feel the best for you if I am steady and secure and telling you that there is appearing the sun on the left and the storm will leave us again? She was happy about my speech, because she felt sure that we are on the same boat, that means I am fighting for her and her future husband to get that wedding appointment arranged no matter how complicated that case is. And my optimistic view helped her to stay patient until the great news could be finally delivered by me: successful wedding appointment arranged!

Consider about your perfection. About your path. Think about your talents. I hope that I could inspire you today to be motivated to let go that perfection and live the life to the fullest and realize your future by trying things out and developing yourself step by step.

If you like my content, it would made my day, if you give me a like for this blogpost. And if you assume another person could help that post, please share it with that person too. Start doing things which are meaningful for you. Stop trying to be perfect. It’s better to be yourself.

Happy marriage goals: The 8 character trait of the perfect husband

A happy marriage is not build in one day. Huge buildings are not constructed by one day neither. You need clear plans for both to get the result you are longing for. An architect can outline a scheme of a specific building and plan many details. But if the construction worker do not follow his plans, the building will be out of control. It will not be that masterpiece which it were meant to be if the workers tamper with the hole thing.

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A lucky marriage is similar to this example. You can plan and put all your effort into it. But a relationship aka marriage is not a one-man show. Its a dialogue, an unit, a day-to-day investment. Honestly if you mess it up, it will be done before you already start the journey together.

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I read a lot about the perfect wife and how she should be and how she can improve herself. And I was surprised, that there are no great advices for him. Okay, there are some authors out there, which wrote guidebooks for him. But those books are more about how he can be a gentleman, or how he can satisfy her sexual needs. There are a few books out there who might improve your mindset of being a man. But did they ever speak about the important character trait of a perfect husband? Nope.

If you know a book, which does, please tell me about it, because I would love to read it. But until then, I will try to summarize the character traits of the perfect husband. And please that is really my selective perception.

  1. Loyality: A  wife should have the possibility to put trust in her husband. If she tells him a secret he should be able to keep that private. Beyond that a perfect husband does not need to focus on other women. He should be able to satisfy his wife and his own needs inside his partnership. If a man is not able to be loyal, he should not consider to marry somebody. I don’t believe that a womanizer can perform the role of a perfect hubby. Loyality comes first.romance-1209046_1920.jpg
  2. Kindness: Its all about how you act with others. If a man is kind to people, the wife will feel good about choosing that person as her husband. If he acts with kindness, she will also answer with kind words, because if he offers a certain value to her, she will be able to respond to that. An unkind man will bother others and his wife by his embarrasing behaviour. affection-1867098_1920.jpg
  3. Respect: A true man, aka gentleman respects others. Even if he does not share the same opinion about a certain topic he is able to respect the other person for the different point of view. Women love to be valued and respected. If you treat your wife with respect, she will be gentle and reward you for this too.people-3264217_1280.jpg
  4. Pride: Whatever she is doing in private or business, if you show her that you are proud of her skills, intentions and her behaviour you will make her day. Being appreciative is very useful. Be proud of yourself, be proud of her and be proud of your marriage. If you love to improve your marriage you should focus on the good things in your partnership and show her what makes you really proud of her.swan-2077219_1280.jpg
  5. Adventurous: Women gernerally want to be strong today, thats right. But beside this your wife loves you to be adventurous too. That kind of adventurous, if you just want to do something unexpected, which really blows her mind. Although she loves to have a certain routine, she will enjoy it if you go an extra mile for her, to show her that you will invent yourself from time to time. Thinking out of the box will help you to be that kind of human she is longing forever.biker-384921_1920.jpg
  6. Homourous: If you can make her smile, then you will be really happy together. If not, then you should work on your sense of humor. Laughing is very important in life. If you cannot laugh and she is also not able too, then the marriage would be very sad. If you can make her laugh, she will enjoy your company on a daily basis for sure.actress-2868705_1920 (1).jpg
  7. Reliable: If you promise something, that means a total commitment. If you cannot realise something, then it is better to stay quiet instead of giving a promise to her. She wants somebody to hold on not to wait for. So if you have an appointment with her, make sure to be on time, and if you will be late, give her a call. If she needs you, unindependtly if emotionally or physically- be there for her. She needs you, so be present. That is what a perfect husband can always realise if he is in love with her. No execuses.entrepreneur-2326419_1920.jpg8.Flexibility : If something is not working as planned, then you can easily become angry or react irritated. By being flexibel you give yourself and your surroundings so many added opportunities. Try to be as flexibel as you can. She will be thankful for your effort. Many wifes have a hard time by dealing with changes. If you stay cool and flexibel, she will be more relaxed and happy, even if life is not easy at all. Being able to compromise is very useful. You could persist on your right, on your thoughts and your decisions, but it would be egoistic. So if you want to be a perfect husband then be creative and flexibel in order to realise great results.street-workout-2628919_1920.jpg

A happy marriage is possible. It is important that you remind yourself of the good things, try to improve your “now” and that you have a certain vision of your “Future We”.

Awareness is so powerful. If you are sure about what you want to achieve in the next years together you can support each other and enjoy each others company. Offering value to the other person is really underestimated. People think it will all fit perfectly and they could stay in their comfort zone. Suddenly they wonder why their marriage does not work as it should.

I can promise you that a marriage is full of up and downs. It is like a rollercoaster:

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You will have those moments where you feel afraid & shocked. There are moments of having a hard time. Then other days you will be full of joy, totally lucky, secure and proud. Focus on the positive outcome. Trust in the process. If you invest, you will be rewarded later on. 

Which character trait is your favorite and why?

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