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Thougtful wednesday: The idea of being more present with people we love

Hopefully you enjoy your life so far no matter which problems you have to face. Do you ever thought, that everything is too much for you? That you can not handle a certain issue which bothers you? Did you ever felt exhausted by your own thoughts and overwhelmed by your surroundings?

The reality is sometimes surreal. Do you feel deeply but cannot express all your insights because other people might think you overreact? Continue reading “Thougtful wednesday: The idea of being more present with people we love”

Conquer the battle of feeling less important in a long-distance relationship

You are totally exhausted! You feel overwhelmed because your friends have their spouse close by while you are diving in the unknown ocean of a long-distance relationship.

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Date-nights, cuddling on the couch, the good night kiss and the sleepy view of the person you love in the morning…you are far away from all that things which are quiete usual for a relationship. You miss everything of those simple habits, because you are without your spouse. That’s your reality.

It can be a nightmare sometimes if you love somebody who is far away, perhaps lives in a different time-zone then yours. How great would it feel to beam that person right in front of you and give “the one” a hug?

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People assume that they are strong and disciplined to wait…but every single cell of your body is longing for being close to that person you love and you don’t know if you can handle those feelings anymore.

There are voices in your head. You feel lonely sometimes although you know that there is a person feeling similar to you many miles far away. But there are days where you just freak out and imagine that there could be somebody else instead of yourself. That person who is not miles far away, a person who does not need the complexity of a long-distance relationship.

There are days where you might question your decision to have a long-distance relationship generally. It’s hard. It’s exhausting and you are missing your spouse so much that you are unable to concentrate at all. If you feel totally unimportant then you should be honest to yourself!

lonely-boy-2531764_1920.jpgReflecting can help you further:

  • Decide what you want to change!
  • Why do you feel less important?
  • Do you put more effort in that relationship then your spouse does?
  • Is your spouse aware about your doubts?
  • Can you imagine living together at one place?
  • Would you give up your home, work or comfort-zone to be close to that person?
  • Research about possibilities, work options for you in his country/town. Consider to run an online business. Would you be able to change your routines?

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Did I mention the option of getting married? No? No waiting for visa, holiday or plane tickets…just living together at one place.

Some people are not ready for a marriage yet and they want to discover if the spouse is the right one.

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Sorry- having a long-distance-relationship should be a temporary thing. Who really finds joy in this state of relationship? If the other person wants to be free and unindependent then be sure its not a real relationship its called an affair or an open-love-thing

I recommend that you should consider how much your spouse means to you. If you assume it’s “the one” then ask that person about putting the relationship on a higher level and getting close to each other.

Perhaps your spouse is on board and is happy about your suggestion. If the other person does not want to have a real relationship with you without distance, then be sure it’s better to quit that issue right here right now. Don’t waste your time!

Being honest is important. Everybody gets older. You should never invest your time or give your heart to somebody who does not value your feelings and is in love with you too. Being close and having goals together is a huge part of a great relationship.

If you want to get married, I will be there to organize your civil wedding in Denmark for you easily. Just write me an email: agentur.herzensfreude@yahoo.de

Any thoughts? Feel free to comment

Happy marriage goals: The 8 character trait of the perfect husband

A happy marriage is not build in one day. Huge buildings are not constructed by one day neither. You need clear plans for both to get the result you are longing for. An architect can outline a scheme of a specific building and plan many details. But if the construction worker do not follow his plans, the building will be out of control. It will not be that masterpiece which it were meant to be if the workers tamper with the hole thing.

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A lucky marriage is similar to this example. You can plan and put all your effort into it. But a relationship aka marriage is not a one-man show. Its a dialogue, an unit, a day-to-day investment. Honestly if you mess it up, it will be done before you already start the journey together.

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I read a lot about the perfect wife and how she should be and how she can improve herself. And I was surprised, that there are no great advices for him. Okay, there are some authors out there, which wrote guidebooks for him. But those books are more about how he can be a gentleman, or how he can satisfy her sexual needs. There are a few books out there who might improve your mindset of being a man. But did they ever speak about the important character trait of a perfect husband? Nope.

If you know a book, which does, please tell me about it, because I would love to read it. But until then, I will try to summarize the character traits of the perfect husband. And please that is really my selective perception.

  1. Loyality: A  wife should have the possibility to put trust in her husband. If she tells him a secret he should be able to keep that private. Beyond that a perfect husband does not need to focus on other women. He should be able to satisfy his wife and his own needs inside his partnership. If a man is not able to be loyal, he should not consider to marry somebody. I don’t believe that a womanizer can perform the role of a perfect hubby. Loyality comes first.romance-1209046_1920.jpg
  2. Kindness: Its all about how you act with others. If a man is kind to people, the wife will feel good about choosing that person as her husband. If he acts with kindness, she will also answer with kind words, because if he offers a certain value to her, she will be able to respond to that. An unkind man will bother others and his wife by his embarrasing behaviour. affection-1867098_1920.jpg
  3. Respect: A true man, aka gentleman respects others. Even if he does not share the same opinion about a certain topic he is able to respect the other person for the different point of view. Women love to be valued and respected. If you treat your wife with respect, she will be gentle and reward you for this too.people-3264217_1280.jpg
  4. Pride: Whatever she is doing in private or business, if you show her that you are proud of her skills, intentions and her behaviour you will make her day. Being appreciative is very useful. Be proud of yourself, be proud of her and be proud of your marriage. If you love to improve your marriage you should focus on the good things in your partnership and show her what makes you really proud of her.swan-2077219_1280.jpg
  5. Adventurous: Women gernerally want to be strong today, thats right. But beside this your wife loves you to be adventurous too. That kind of adventurous, if you just want to do something unexpected, which really blows her mind. Although she loves to have a certain routine, she will enjoy it if you go an extra mile for her, to show her that you will invent yourself from time to time. Thinking out of the box will help you to be that kind of human she is longing forever.biker-384921_1920.jpg
  6. Homourous: If you can make her smile, then you will be really happy together. If not, then you should work on your sense of humor. Laughing is very important in life. If you cannot laugh and she is also not able too, then the marriage would be very sad. If you can make her laugh, she will enjoy your company on a daily basis for sure.actress-2868705_1920 (1).jpg
  7. Reliable: If you promise something, that means a total commitment. If you cannot realise something, then it is better to stay quiet instead of giving a promise to her. She wants somebody to hold on not to wait for. So if you have an appointment with her, make sure to be on time, and if you will be late, give her a call. If she needs you, unindependtly if emotionally or physically- be there for her. She needs you, so be present. That is what a perfect husband can always realise if he is in love with her. No execuses.entrepreneur-2326419_1920.jpg8.Flexibility : If something is not working as planned, then you can easily become angry or react irritated. By being flexibel you give yourself and your surroundings so many added opportunities. Try to be as flexibel as you can. She will be thankful for your effort. Many wifes have a hard time by dealing with changes. If you stay cool and flexibel, she will be more relaxed and happy, even if life is not easy at all. Being able to compromise is very useful. You could persist on your right, on your thoughts and your decisions, but it would be egoistic. So if you want to be a perfect husband then be creative and flexibel in order to realise great results.street-workout-2628919_1920.jpg

A happy marriage is possible. It is important that you remind yourself of the good things, try to improve your “now” and that you have a certain vision of your “Future We”.

Awareness is so powerful. If you are sure about what you want to achieve in the next years together you can support each other and enjoy each others company. Offering value to the other person is really underestimated. People think it will all fit perfectly and they could stay in their comfort zone. Suddenly they wonder why their marriage does not work as it should.

I can promise you that a marriage is full of up and downs. It is like a rollercoaster:

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You will have those moments where you feel afraid & shocked. There are moments of having a hard time. Then other days you will be full of joy, totally lucky, secure and proud. Focus on the positive outcome. Trust in the process. If you invest, you will be rewarded later on. 

Which character trait is your favorite and why?

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The True 4 Helpers Of Partnershipgoals

A couple of days somebody told me, he admired the fact that I could write in a romantic style. Furthermore if I am interested in creating some advertising articles for his company, I would be very welcome.

I reflected about that message and I recognized how lovely that sounds, but I assume I am far away from being romantic, or writing romantically. In my opinion I am kind of disenchanted and pretty pragmatic. How do you perceive me?

Todays blogpost is stright-forward and honest as usual. I don’t like my readers to confuse with romantic phrases or with fantasy stories. My focus is always on facts combined with our emotions. The combination of the truth and the unknown, which needs to be revealed, is that knowledge which really drives me to write on my blog.

I hope, that you feel heard and respected by me as my reader. However you felt before you read my articles, I truly look forward, to help you to improve yourself and get deeper to those feelings inside yourself. I love you to feel valued and important, without being judged. Every person in this world deserves to be respected for its being.

It really matters, that you connect with yourself in order to get happier and positive on a daily basis. Life can be really full of struggle. I am always confronted with lots of problems too. People don’t know all about me. They just see that smart side of me, which helps others to get things done and to improve their game. That I by myself have a lot of issues going on in the backround, which make me nervous and need my focus, that is the other side of my life, which is okay too. Every person has problems to deal with and I just like you to know, that I also need to find solutions for my own problems too. But through all my problems I really learnt to get smarter and I am really grateful for every lesson of my life so far.

Lets speak about The 4 Truth about Partnershipgoals.

If you are in a partnership there are certain bounderies which might be unvisable.

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They are unspoken rules, expectations and limitations in every relationship. These points can hinder your personal developement and influence your hapiness level as well.

The reason why I write about that is, that most people are not able to live their full potential, because they feel stopped or interrupted by the person they love. If you are living in a long-term-relationship you will automatically adapt a certain behaviour of that person you are living with. Additionally your thoughts can follow a specific pattern which is similiar to the thoughts of your spouse. Its like somebody has hacked your mind and has the ability to control you. The fact is, that you are emotionally involved and don’t want to hurt the person you share your life with nor be judged by that person, who admires you.

I really love people to connect with each other, to go deeply in their partnership and get that intense familiarity with each other. But couples need to be aware of themselves as independent persons. If I am not aware of myself and my own selective perception, I am living the life of another person or let another person decide about my life at all. And then at the end of the day, it feels surreal, because you dont live your own reality, but a life which is defined by another person.

So how can I live in harmony with my inner thoughts and rules as well as those of my spouse? 

4 Truth Helpers of Partnershipgoals

1. Brainstorm on what your goals are

Man and woman can be very different. And their goals can be totally unlike, allthough they are a couple. Personal goals need to be defined by yourself. You have that goals which you want to achieve by your own. Additionally there are those goals which you love to accomplish with your spouse. Perhaps there are some expectations belonging your partner too. Write it down and speak about it. If you have different goals, you need to  think and talk about possibilities to realize them. If you repress your thoughts and goals, you will feel dissatisfied after a while. It is neccessary to be aware about your purposes, in order to be real and honest to yourself. If you do not have any goals, you can drift away. If you do not focus, other people can decide about you and guide you. For some people that made be okay, but then you live anothers person truth instead of revealing your own hero.

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2. Take up challenges and disagreements early on

Neglecting or ignoring problems will have bad consequences. Small issues can grow quite big after a small amount of time. If you feel uncertain about a specific topic its better to point out your insecurities instead of pretending that you win the whole game. In a partnership you can not fight alone. Partnership means that two persons connect with each other and support each other too. So if you feel stressed out, you should point that out, so misunderstandings will not grow to weird fights which are out of control. Fighting is important. Don’t fit yourself into a situation just to have “peace”. Thats not a real peace. You will feel peaceful if you are able to discuss things out and get connected again after every argument. You should not try to avoid disagreements. Every person is different and therefore misunderstandings and conflicts will appear, don’t worry.

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3. Adress both partners needs

It is important to be aware of the needs of your spouse. Needs can change, and being up to date is really important in order to stay tuned and connected with each other. Sometimes its okay to put the needs of your spouse over your own needs. But that should be a special moment. If you just take care of the other person needs and your spouse does not pay attention to your own personal needs, nor takes care to fulfill your needs, then the relationship will get out of balance, which is really unhealthy. Seeing that you will be disappointed soon and cannot hold on all your defined partnershipgoals, because your spouse operates careless. So why should you care about him/her anymore?

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4. Understand one anothers limitations

You should be aware of your own skills and your mindset. Furthermore you should take care of the limitations of your spouse. Some people are limited by their mindset and need to work on that, others are just limited with their skills generally. I am really convinced about the fact that understanding the flaws of the partner and the personal boundaries can bring a great impact into that relationship. You can support each other belonging partnershipgoals. The result matters. People will ask you about how you managed all this. And I strongly believe in the fact that couples can use the power of imagination to realize their goals. Sharing the process is something which creates a deeper connection. And by understanding the limitations of the spouse and the awareness of the strengths you can become a dreamteam for life.

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Hopefully you enjoyed reading this. Perhaps you already are aware of all these four components, thats great. My favorite is Number 2. That is way I am a “peacemaker”. Conflicts are great to express your upset and sadness and to feel how your own acting can bother someone else. But I really prefer to live in a peaceful environment, where everybody feels listened, honoured and loved. Which truth of the four points is your favorite one?

 

 

 

How can I offer love and appreciation to my spouse if I am very busy?

  • Most of my clients run their own business. Entrepreneurship is what all people speak about today and it can bring a magical impact to your life:
    • If your good in what you are doing, hopefully you can earn a lot of money
      If you are successful as an entrepreneur you decide about what comes next and that is really powerful
      If you run a business successfully you define the rules about your life instead of working 8-5 for others.
  • There are lots of others advantages to be an entrepreneur. But one disadvantage can really eliminate your happiness. Perhaps you already guess what I will write about:
  • Relationship- aka private life!
  • Who wants to build an empire does know how it feels like to overwork and invest every second of time into your “business thing”. I really have a lot of experiences with that issue because I know that a qualified, wellstructured and successful business does not arise overnight.
  • To some people it seems like your success was gifted to you by a witch overnight. But I need to inform you about the fact that most successful people are full in their zone and that they did go through tough times until their finally succeed. And many of them are always working on innovations and taking care about their success because it is easy to loose the game.
  • Every person is offered 24 hours daily. You need to be aware about your priorities, especially those besides your business.
  • I know it’s really hard to switch the off-button sometimes. I personally went to a lot of extraordinarily mental issues of my costumers. And because I am so empathizing with other people, it is sometimes really hard to not overthink problems of others after my work is finished.
  • Imagine you run a business for technical devices. That business was build with all your heart and you feel connected with it every single moment in your life. You are sure about the fact that it will grow if you put more effort in it.
  • But then you see that face of your wife who loves that fancy clothes, and that house you bought a couple of month to show her that you love her and just want her to enjoy all the best things in life. But something is not okay with her. She became quiet. She is looking sad although in your opinion she should be happy about all that higher standard your smart business offered to her lifestyle.
  • While you are hustling, working day and night you did not realise that she feels lonely. Even if you are sitting beside her your mind is just thinking about the next meeting and how to convert that company which you are going to meet into an high- paying client.
  • Perhaps she does not want to be ungrateful. But time can be a big issue in a relationship. While one person might be happy with a functional sex life, the other person wants to connect and spend time with that person. Quality-time is the keyword to a happy marriage. It does not matter how many hours you can offer for your wife. But you should take care of her emotional needs. If you are physically present but your thoughts are flying to another area, then that does not mean quality time.
  • I really know how you feel about that because I really thought that if I invest more time in my business it will be more successful then before. That might be a great thought, but it will have private consequences.
  • If you still want that partnership while you are building your business then you should take care of it. Investing time in that partnership is necessary in order to offer appreciation and show your love.
  • Gifts might be a possibilty to build a bridge in busy times. But it should not be the main issue in your partnership. Your lady rather want to consume you and be entertained by you then being lonely in that house with a lot of gifts.
  • You can show your appreciation on a daily basis and this hacks don’t take a bunch of time:
    • Before you leave the house kiss her and say to her that you are looking forward to meet her again
      Write a post-it which really blows her mind
      Give her a phone call in between to meetings. Hey you find time to check you Instagram account? Call her and tell her that you just asked yourself what she is doing right now
      If you need to go on a travel because of your business, ask her to take a piece of clothes of her with you. That is way you want to have her smell close to you if you need to stay overnight in a lonely hotel room
      Use Skype and other divices to get a short personal review of her day
      Ask her which issue made her sad and which issue made her happy
      Hold her hand, touch her neck, put your arm over her shoulder
      Ask her about her personal wishes
      Surprise her by coming out of your comfort zone
  • You see there are lots of possibilities to connect with each other and to show her that you love her. Going out with her and having a dinner outside, having a movie night together…meeting for a lunch in a restaurant… there are lots of options.
  • I hope that you reconnect with your spouse this weekend. I am really busy all week long, but on my weekends I am just that mom of our children and a caring wife of my husband. Finally I realized that I am more successful if my husband and our kids feel loved and appreciated. It’s like recharging a battery. And my battery needs to be full too.
  • On mondays I will feel totally ready for business action. And on fridays I need to be totally aware of checking out of my business zone.
  • If I find enough time for those I love then I will be happier and can create new ideas and realize dreams for my business. If I feel bad about my private life, I will not have that huge potential and I will be emotionally distracted.
  • Being aware of your current situation is really important. It does not matter if you had a fight and if you feel depressed. You just need to focus on your partnershipgoal- like on your businessgoals. If there arises a problem you will be able to solve it immediately.
  • Why should you wait belonging relationships? Invest in your partnership and build a strong empire of love and appreciation. If your wife feels loved and respected by you, she will support you business too.
  • Have a nice weekend. What do you think about entrepreneurship and marriage? Do you think that my hacks could help you to improve your relationship? What can you recommend to connect as a couple while you are growing a business?
  • Destiny offers loving each other!

    Lately I was wondering about some handsome people who were speaking about love, relationships and marriage issues in public. While I was waiting in a public place waiting for an appointment I heard one of those persons of the group pointing out that a human being should fall in love just once in a life-time.

    He said that real love, means loving somebody who you want to share the whole life with. They discussed a little bit about that speech and I explored that people think so diverse about love as much as people are different of each other.

    There might be a key to love, but the most exciting about is, that the keyhole depends on the person you admire. People fall in love with each other, sometimes its love at the first sight.

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    I know that many people love to read true love stories and that they think they can learn from the issues of the characters. That is way I want to write about one of my costumers, who instructed me to organize his civil wedding in Denmark with his lovely wife a few month ago. As he told me his story I was really impressed about the power of love and the way god (our you might say destiny) changes situations to the good.

    love in a village

    The man I am telling you his story about is living in Germany but has Turkish roots. As a young boy he was living in that Turkish village. As he grew older he saw that girl which was living in his village too, and he really felt impressed by her appearance as well as her charisma. He was young, she was even younger then him and he did miss to tell her about his feelings towards her. Unfortunately he did not dare to tell her about his feelings because he was afraid of refusal and felt too shy.

    Suddenly his parents decided to move to a bigger township in order to achieve a better work situation for their family and a qualified education for their son. He felt bad about the move, but he could not do anything to prevent it.

    In the big town he explored his new areal after a while and finished his school quite well. As he started studying in university he met this girl of his childhood again.

    Her brother who had moved a few years before to the same township had invited his family to his home and the little sister wanted to take a view inside that big university building.

    The man saw her, but again felt to shy to speak with her. After a few months he was invited to a party, as well as his parents. The news melted his heart: His girl had already married a guy of the university campus who did speak to her and speak with her parents too.

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    It was an arranged marriage. The girl married him because she wanted to listen to her parents advice who always told her to marry as young as possible and move to the big township, in order to have a better life then in their village. She listened to them and moved to her husband very soon.

    The man decided to leave turkey in order to work in Germany. It was the time as a lot of German companies hired Turkish workers in their factories. The man I am writing about had studied engineering and his qualities were a guarantee for a great salary.

    He left turkey and started a new life in Germany. He learned the German language and he enjoyed the life in Europe. Meanwhile his parents went back to their village. Without their son they felt lost in the big town, the preferred to go back to their village where all their relatives and friends had their homes.

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    After a few months living in Germany the man felt in love with a german girl. She was the opposite of himself and his passion for her was amazing. Although they both were so different they really loved each other very much. More about twenty years they lived together as a couple and had children too. A few times they went to turkey as a family visiting all his relatives. The german wife was accepted and loved by his family too.

    After one of that vacations his wife became pretty ill. In Germany she went to a hospital and the doctors did found a couple of tomours in her body. They did their best to rescue her from that disease, but they totally failed. The advanced case did not allow to rescue her anymore. After that emergency surgery the man left home as a widow.

    It was a hard time for him. He was totally overstrained. He was not able to take care of himself nor to look after his children who reminded him of his wife every single day. He got really depressed and felt helpless.

    Additionally after a while he got a call of his smaller brother who was still living with his parents in the turkish village. He asked him to visit them as soon as possible, because their father became very ill. Immediately he travelled to his old village. His children were in school and their german grandmother took care of them so far.

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    In the village he was very welcome. The neighbours felt so blessed that he came back again. His father was really ill and just wanted to see his oldest son again before leaving this world. He told him: “Love is an issue which can fall into oblivion. People fall in love and loose their beloved. But sometimes just God knows best and which destiny is the right one for us!”

    After that speech his father closed his eyes and died. The man was overwhelmed. The funeral took three days. A lot people of the village paid their last respect to the father of that man. Surprisingly the girl who he felt for as a boy did visit his family too, in order to express her condolences.

    And that moment was magical. He just felt the phrases of his dad in his heart while she was standing in front of him: “Love is an issue which can fall into oblivion. People fall in love and lose their beloved. But sometimes just God knows best and which destiny is the right one for us!”

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    That girl, who now was a middle-aged woman, still was the most beautiful thing in his eyes. Her charisma made him feel silent and pleasurized.

    She lifted him up by saying encouraging words and he felt less depressed as she told him about her own loss a few month ago. Her husband died a few month ago by a car accident. She told him that her marriage was not a quite happy one but that he respected her very much, although she did not get pregnant all over the years.

    After a while they decided to meet each other a couple of times. She told him, that she was very young as she got married and that she did not knew how it feels to love somebody without expectations. She also told him that she thought that she does not deserve a better marriage because she was not able to give birth to children for her husband.

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    The man went back to Germany and he gave her the promise to come back again. As his children had a long vacation they went back to the village for a few weeks. The woman who was a widow too, went back to the home of her parents after her loss. The man deeply felt in love with this woman and she realized that love can happen too.

    After that holiday he decided to marry her and bring her to Germany. For this reason he contacted me in order to get married in Denmark. It was quite surreal, because he finally married that girl which he one’s felt for. But they really enjoyed their travel to denmark and are now living together as husband and wife in Germany.

    This story offers us so many lessons:

    • Firstly sometimes you meet somebody you might feel attracted to but at this certain situation it is not the right time to get closer. Maybe you meet somebody who is already married or engaged or in a partnership. It would be worse to destroy another bond just because you think it could be the perfect person for yourself.
    • Secondly you might recognize how destiny can put two people together again, even if they are far away from each other. Their is a speech which says that you meet every person at least two times in your life and that is the truth.
    • Thirdly you should never act impatiently, because often you don’t know how a loss can turn out as a gift for you afterwards. Never quarrel with yourself about your destiny.

    Most people can fall in love for a couple of times in life. It is up to their lifestyle and their connection with their inner power how they turn out.

    I did organize a few weddings for those who got divorced or widowed before and did found the right partner for the next period of life afterwards.

    People change and their life’s changes too. It’s impossible to just stay in one status quo. So please, never feel bad about your feelings, dreams and thoughts. Destiny knows best. Stories like that of ones of my couples show me the impact of love and destiny.

    I personally assume, that every human is free and can easily lose his/her heart for somebody. But its up to that circumstances if a relationship or a marriage is possible with that special person. I think everybody has various chances to connect with the right partner, but fewest realize that they were meant to each other.

    How do you think about love? Do you think you just can love one’s in a live time or do you think people will love others for a while and can find love again?  If you are not married right now, which value is the most important for you in life, which you want to share with your future-wife/future-husband?

    Feel free to comment. It would be a pleasure for me to get some answers of my readers! I would love to read about your personal point of view!

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