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Motivational Monday: Be careful! How to live with a spouse who is totally the opposite of you!

Let me tell you a story…about a girl who deeply felt in love with a man. She was young, curious and full of hope as she met the man of her life.

She thought it would last forever. Her love was tested through a lot of problems in their future. She loved planning while he found fun in being spontaneous. She loved to be alone and in a quiet place while he needed the crowd and lots of noises to feel comfy.

They really enjoyed each other but they were so different, that they struggled with the vision of their relationship more often.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a drama if man and woman are different, they usually are and that’s natural. It’s quite exiting to be the opposite of each other… you will not bore each other at all but you need a certain base which grounds you as a couple. Trust, loyalty and happiness need an interaction of both. A successful relationship is a challenge. Back to the story:

The girl became a mother and her husband was happy about having a family with her. He enjoyed his new position as a father while he felt somehow ignored by his wife, because she physically was closer to their child then to him for the first couples of month after her childbirth.

baby-20339_1920.jpgThe girl was pretty busy with her daughter who needed her full attention. She did not realize that her husband was longing for intention too.

She was tired, overwhelmed and the home became pretty messy. There were days when she could not do the dishes or had no power to do at least a 10 minutes clean up. She was running around without doing her hair or laying on make up and because her baby bump did not disappear as fast as she wanted she felt insecure and unattractive. She disremembered to be intimate with her husband.

Her husband was patient with her at this point. And he ignored that messy circumstance in their house for a while, until he discovered that the fridge became too stinky and the garbage bin was flowing over by dirty diapers. Because she always was just inside the house, she did not realize that bad smell.

Once he went home and their baby girl had spilled a few seconds ago all over her mothers outfit. She felt weak and tired. After saying „hallo my dear“ he started a conversation with her: „Hey what’s up?“, he asked her: „I called my brother Michael. He and his wife will come over tomorrow. They will visit us for lunch“ She did not say anything.

But it was like a straightforward hit right into her face. Michaels wife Bianca was that kind of „clean mom“, that stay at home mom which loves to clean until every corner in her entire house would be sparkling tidy. Bianca was a passionate cook with lots of delicious food ideas. Thinking of having her around made the girl feel weaker then she already felt before.  Biancas children were already grown up and she always had to offer the girl a lot of hacks and supportive comments, which were inappropriate sometimes.

The girl dreamed of being perfect but was procrastinating every single score in her house so far. She had five laundry baskets of clothes in the basement which needed a great fold. And thinking of all those other spots which needed to be cleaned up made her angry and sad all together.

In her house were lots of messy areas with little stuff which needed to be organized. She asked herself how she should clean her home until her visitors would arrive. All of the sudden she became tired of everything. She felt exhausted. But her husband did not realize that she needed just a few days to reconnect with herself. But how should he know? She did not tell him how she felt like. While she started cleaning he went to the gym to meet his friends.


Of course she functioned and cleaned up the mess. Michael and Bianca came over and had a great time. The girl felt weird all the time. She did not enjoy the conversation with them. Actually she was not interested if their dog would create messes or did not poop properly every morning.


She always wanted to improve the world and help others to become better, smarter and happier and now after being a mom she was literally exhausted by any kind of non-sense conversation. She was longing for an intellectual exchange while all those friends and family members of Michael dealt with her superficially.

Her own friends became rare after getting married to her husband. She was young and moved to another town. Being a stay at home mom was more difficult then being an employee.

Her husband did not realize that their actual life teared her apart. She felt lonely although she had contact with others and Michael gave his best to entertain her.Sometimes she had dark days where she just felt to be in the wrong world. Especially if she was overwhelmed by noises she just imagined to escape suddenly into her own world.


While Michael switched on the news loudly or was watching a tv show or a movie she preferred to read books in a quiet corner of their house. She never had told him, that she can’t tolerate that huge sound. Instead of this she just had hidden herself to the backround.

Once a day Michael did not come home from work. He did not call her that he would come late or needed to work longer then usual.

A couple of weeks ago they had a serious conversation. He told her that she did not find joy at all with him and that he missed to be close to her. He described her as a shell, which would close suddenly by being touched.

And perhaps he was right. More then right. She did not feed her husbands needs. She thought it were just physically but she had closed her heart for his input at all. He really wanted to help her and to support her in order to rescue their relationship, which started full of passion many years ago and was just feeling more then strange right now.

I will not bother you… you need to know the end of the story. The end is surprisingly dark. Perhaps you assume that he felt in love with another woman, he did not. He was totally loyal toward his wife, allthough she forgot to satisfy him.

On this late afternoon she got a call from a police officer. Then a call from the hospital. Her husband was injured by having a heavy car crush. As she arrived at the hospital, he was already dead. They did found fresh flowers which he had bought for her and he had written something like this on the flowercard: for my shell… let me show you how great we fit together. I will always love you until I die“


He died very quickly because his head was bad injured. The doctors could not rescue him. The girl became a widow within a few minutes. It was a nightmare on a sunny day. Today she had prepared a candle light dinner and had decided to give all her heart to him. She had bought new underwear and had given her daughter to the grandmother in order to care just for her husband. And then suddenly those dark news. She regretted that she did refuse to be close to him all those weeks and month before.

As she got the flowers by the policeman she felt like her heart was falling apart. She did realize how much her husband had meant to her and how bad she had ignored all his small lovely actions of the last couples of months to come close to her again. She had been stucked in her own phantasy, had hidden herself allthough it was not necessary to hide herself.

It is a sad story. I know. That is the reason why I wanted to share this story with you. It’s important to recognize the lessons we can learn through this story:

  • Don’t procrastinate to show your love although you are quite different
  • Never miss to fill the other persons love pocket
  • In a relationship you should try to think how the other person might feel like.
  • Come out of your comfort zone
  • Invest in your future be aware of the present
  • Having children changes a marriage. It’s important to be intimate again after having children. Couples who are not intimate can not stay tuned as those who are.
  • Don’t wait to show the other person how much he/she means to you. It could be your last day in life
  • No regrets. Try to life in the moment. Thinking too much of your past or just imagine how a better future can be can make you forget to be present for the person who needs your attention right now.
  • Sharing a life together means to be there for each other. If the girl would have asked for help or did try to tell her husband how she felt, he could probably help her to get out of her overwhelming situation/ aka depression state.
  • Being in a non-verbal relationship because one of the spouses refuses to be open-minded is a huge fault.
  • It’s better to say what you think no matter what will happen afterwards. If you just swallow your pain, fears and struggles down you are actually not in a relationship. You live with somebody but you don’t share your thoughts and feelings with that person. That is contra-productive and superficial.
  • Every relationship has its up-s and down-s. Spouses who are aware of each other flaws and characteristics are more likely happier and easily solve their problems.
  • Be aware of your inner state. Its so important to be aware about your own. If you are not in peace with yourself, you can never be with somebody else



Don’t get me wrong. My husband and I for example are totally the opposite of each other:

Me: early riser-He night owl

Me: extraverted- he introverted

Me: I love planning – he loves to be spontanious

I could tell you even more differences, because we are totally the opposite of each other. But we have a certain base. We are grounded by our beliefs, and our values and our goals (allthough those are quite different too)- Goals set us boundaries as well as offer us a bunch of opportunities. Love can be very intensive and true, but you need to stay tuned and be authentic with the person you share your life with.

Hopefully that story helps you to awake, if you have falling asleep in your relationship. Its so important to be aware of your NOW and to be prepared for the future, however it might looks like. We cannot control everything, but we can try to lead ourselves to happiness and success. Be inspired and reflect so you will not regret your life.

You like that kind of content? Then give me a like. If you want to read more motivational stuff, relationship-hacks and positive thoughts in general then consider to subscribe to my blog. If you fill out down below your emailadress, you will not miss a blogpost of mine anymore. I wish you just the best and hope you will become more happier and positive in 2019.

Destiny offers loving each other!

Lately I was wondering about some handsome people who were speaking about love, relationships and marriage issues in public. While I was waiting in a public place waiting for an appointment I heard one of those persons of the group pointing out that a human being should fall in love just once in a life-time.

He said that real love, means loving somebody who you want to share the whole life with. They discussed a little bit about that speech and I explored that people think so diverse about love as much as people are different of each other.

There might be a key to love, but the most exciting about is, that the keyhole depends on the person you admire. People fall in love with each other, sometimes its love at the first sight.


I know that many people love to read true love stories and that they think they can learn from the issues of the characters. That is way I want to write about one of my costumers, who instructed me to organize his civil wedding in Denmark with his lovely wife a few month ago. As he told me his story I was really impressed about the power of love and the way god (our you might say destiny) changes situations to the good.

love in a village

The man I am telling you his story about is living in Germany but has Turkish roots. As a young boy he was living in that Turkish village. As he grew older he saw that girl which was living in his village too, and he really felt impressed by her appearance as well as her charisma. He was young, she was even younger then him and he did miss to tell her about his feelings towards her. Unfortunately he did not dare to tell her about his feelings because he was afraid of refusal and felt too shy.

Suddenly his parents decided to move to a bigger township in order to achieve a better work situation for their family and a qualified education for their son. He felt bad about the move, but he could not do anything to prevent it.

In the big town he explored his new areal after a while and finished his school quite well. As he started studying in university he met this girl of his childhood again.

Her brother who had moved a few years before to the same township had invited his family to his home and the little sister wanted to take a view inside that big university building.

The man saw her, but again felt to shy to speak with her. After a few months he was invited to a party, as well as his parents. The news melted his heart: His girl had already married a guy of the university campus who did speak to her and speak with her parents too.


It was an arranged marriage. The girl married him because she wanted to listen to her parents advice who always told her to marry as young as possible and move to the big township, in order to have a better life then in their village. She listened to them and moved to her husband very soon.

The man decided to leave turkey in order to work in Germany. It was the time as a lot of German companies hired Turkish workers in their factories. The man I am writing about had studied engineering and his qualities were a guarantee for a great salary.

He left turkey and started a new life in Germany. He learned the German language and he enjoyed the life in Europe. Meanwhile his parents went back to their village. Without their son they felt lost in the big town, the preferred to go back to their village where all their relatives and friends had their homes.


After a few months living in Germany the man felt in love with a german girl. She was the opposite of himself and his passion for her was amazing. Although they both were so different they really loved each other very much. More about twenty years they lived together as a couple and had children too. A few times they went to turkey as a family visiting all his relatives. The german wife was accepted and loved by his family too.

After one of that vacations his wife became pretty ill. In Germany she went to a hospital and the doctors did found a couple of tomours in her body. They did their best to rescue her from that disease, but they totally failed. The advanced case did not allow to rescue her anymore. After that emergency surgery the man left home as a widow.

It was a hard time for him. He was totally overstrained. He was not able to take care of himself nor to look after his children who reminded him of his wife every single day. He got really depressed and felt helpless.

Additionally after a while he got a call of his smaller brother who was still living with his parents in the turkish village. He asked him to visit them as soon as possible, because their father became very ill. Immediately he travelled to his old village. His children were in school and their german grandmother took care of them so far.


In the village he was very welcome. The neighbours felt so blessed that he came back again. His father was really ill and just wanted to see his oldest son again before leaving this world. He told him: “Love is an issue which can fall into oblivion. People fall in love and loose their beloved. But sometimes just God knows best and which destiny is the right one for us!”

After that speech his father closed his eyes and died. The man was overwhelmed. The funeral took three days. A lot people of the village paid their last respect to the father of that man. Surprisingly the girl who he felt for as a boy did visit his family too, in order to express her condolences.

And that moment was magical. He just felt the phrases of his dad in his heart while she was standing in front of him: “Love is an issue which can fall into oblivion. People fall in love and lose their beloved. But sometimes just God knows best and which destiny is the right one for us!”


That girl, who now was a middle-aged woman, still was the most beautiful thing in his eyes. Her charisma made him feel silent and pleasurized.

She lifted him up by saying encouraging words and he felt less depressed as she told him about her own loss a few month ago. Her husband died a few month ago by a car accident. She told him that her marriage was not a quite happy one but that he respected her very much, although she did not get pregnant all over the years.

After a while they decided to meet each other a couple of times. She told him, that she was very young as she got married and that she did not knew how it feels to love somebody without expectations. She also told him that she thought that she does not deserve a better marriage because she was not able to give birth to children for her husband.


The man went back to Germany and he gave her the promise to come back again. As his children had a long vacation they went back to the village for a few weeks. The woman who was a widow too, went back to the home of her parents after her loss. The man deeply felt in love with this woman and she realized that love can happen too.

After that holiday he decided to marry her and bring her to Germany. For this reason he contacted me in order to get married in Denmark. It was quite surreal, because he finally married that girl which he one’s felt for. But they really enjoyed their travel to denmark and are now living together as husband and wife in Germany.

This story offers us so many lessons:

  • Firstly sometimes you meet somebody you might feel attracted to but at this certain situation it is not the right time to get closer. Maybe you meet somebody who is already married or engaged or in a partnership. It would be worse to destroy another bond just because you think it could be the perfect person for yourself.
  • Secondly you might recognize how destiny can put two people together again, even if they are far away from each other. Their is a speech which says that you meet every person at least two times in your life and that is the truth.
  • Thirdly you should never act impatiently, because often you don’t know how a loss can turn out as a gift for you afterwards. Never quarrel with yourself about your destiny.

Most people can fall in love for a couple of times in life. It is up to their lifestyle and their connection with their inner power how they turn out.

I did organize a few weddings for those who got divorced or widowed before and did found the right partner for the next period of life afterwards.

People change and their life’s changes too. It’s impossible to just stay in one status quo. So please, never feel bad about your feelings, dreams and thoughts. Destiny knows best. Stories like that of ones of my couples show me the impact of love and destiny.

I personally assume, that every human is free and can easily lose his/her heart for somebody. But its up to that circumstances if a relationship or a marriage is possible with that special person. I think everybody has various chances to connect with the right partner, but fewest realize that they were meant to each other.

How do you think about love? Do you think you just can love one’s in a live time or do you think people will love others for a while and can find love again?  If you are not married right now, which value is the most important for you in life, which you want to share with your future-wife/future-husband?

Feel free to comment. It would be a pleasure for me to get some answers of my readers! I would love to read about your personal point of view!

von Anders Noren.

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