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Heiraten in Dänemark

Hochzeitsagentur Herzensfreude

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successful

Why your perfection hinders you from being successful & lucky

In the past I met lots of people who really strived to be perfect or were busy with pretending a perfect life. Both of these activities are totally against yourself. But let me tell you why. If you try to be perfect, then you will put your „goals“ and „values“ so high, that you barely can achieve those.

People who want to be perfect, don’t focus at one talent they have. They want to have it all: A clean home, a great career, a good relationship with their wife, a spectular connection to their kids and good friends as well as vacations, voluntary stuff going on beside this, bring healthy and in shape… the list will never end.

That kind of path is very stony. The problem is: You put huge stones in front of yourself which hinder you from being grateful and enjoy the moment, because you always want to have it perfectly and it is not that perfect at every minute of your life. So you will not feel happy at all, because you will just try to do it perfectly and thereby realize that it isn’t.

The other activity to pretend that your personal world is perfect, is a very bad emotional state too. Why? Because you pretend that your life is great, while in reality you could need some help. But you don’t admit because you want to show that you are great and that your are strong.

Perhaps you already know that I am married and my spouse was born in northern iraq. In the kurdish culture as well as in all the other oriental cultures, superficial perception of others get a lot of attention.

Many of my clients are orientals, it does not matter if you were born in turkey, afghanistan, iran or syria… I understand your kind of thinking and feeling, because I feel very familar with the oriental mind. As I finished school we had that book where other pupils will write about you. One person commented that I am an oriental soul in a german body. I laughed at it. But I assume that I can build a bridge between orient and the western world because of my character and my experiences with foreign people.

Most people try to show their best side, and thats good. But often people put too much pressure on their own shoulders because they are afraid about the other persons opinion. As a child an oriental girl as well as a boy will be told: Don’t do this or that, because people would think bad about you/us. Family comes first. And you are representing the honour of that family with every step you make or don’t.

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A clean home means- I am a good person. Preparing lots of good food- is an unspoken rule. Your clothes, your style, your manners everything will be recognized and can lead others to speak about you. Allthough oriental people are the most charming and loving people I ever met, they really need to be connected with their inner voice again. Because the voices of all other people around them will be so loud and be overrated, because they were used to grow unselfish.

For sure everybody wants to be representing the best of himself. But if you do things because you are afraid of being judged by others, then its against yourself. If you clean your messy home, because to feel comfortable and to make your home a heaven, that is different. Its for you and your comfort. If your home is filled with good vibes, a visitor will feel happy and welcome there too. If you clean because of others– you will hate the task and you will hate the other person, before that crosses the doorstep. ;O)

Over the years I developed lots of organizing skills, but until today there are times where my house is a mess, especially if my mind is too full and I cannot get everything finished as I want it to. Oriental visitors can appear very spontaniously. Knock-knock! There is a kurdish speech with says:

vistors are like rain, they come suddenly!

Of course I adapted a lots of trained attitutes all over the years in that binational relationship with a big family. Spinning all these plates around is a masterpiece: Cooking spontaneously for 20 people, cleaning the house, taking care of our children beside this, then entertaining the visitors and bring those people to malls or special places…and just keeping on going the business beside this, the laundry, my sports exercises, and all these other things which might happen…

And I always was seeking to be full of perfection. And… surprisengly as I changed my mindset about perfection– I really increased my success and the level of happiness after given up my old dogmas. People will meet my real me not a person who pretends to be friendly and kind but is totally overwhelmed.

I really had both activities inside me… seeking for perfection and pretending to be perfect, which is now a NOGO for me anymore. If people want to speak about me, I will not have the ability to stop them. But what I can hinder is that their backbiting will hit me anymore. If somebody loves me, then because of ME, not because of my house, my tasty food or any other superficial thing in the world. If somebody does not like me, I prefer that person to avoid me.

While in the past I always wanted me to fit with everybody, today I am aware about the fact that I am polarizing and it is an advantage, really.

I can promise you that if you try to be perfect you will miss the whole life and the deeper impressions it delivers to you. Being perfect is an unreachable goal, because nobody is perfect. We strive to be perfect, but we aren’t, we will never be. And that reminds me of the picture of a donkey who has that carrot in front of his head:

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And the donkey is running and running and trying to reach that carrot in order to eat it, but he will stay hungry because his owner putted the carrot in front him in order to let that donkey run and transport stuff.

Time is the most expensive thing we have.

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If you spend all your time in being perfect, you will just always see the carrot but not eating it.

  • If a writer would erase every single word which he wrote because of imperfection, he would never publish anything
  • If a runner, would avoid a race because he assumes not to do it perfectly, he will not develope at all, because he stops himself to do a great run and have that experience.
  • If a technician would not give a devise or a software a test in order to refine that product or program an invention or upgrade could not happen at all
  • If a musician would just wait and always try to be more perfect before performing that written song, perhaps he will be sorry at his deathbed, because he missed the opportunity his whole life to release that song

Why do I write about this? Because imperfection leads to success! Its not about to be the best at your first step. Its about to have the courage to go and be totally you, uncensored and authentic. The world is full of pretenders & wannabes. They are not perfect at all. 

If I would give the perfection more power then my creativity and my heart, then I would not publish any content nor do my job as wedding visionary as good as I do know.

You can easily get lost in the details. If you strive to perfection you will not perform as good as if you go out, do your thing and then wing it. Perhaps you wonder about my mindset. My own experience can teach you that people who get creative and smart in situations where others would quit, need to let go all these superficial perfection.

One costumer asks me why I am so steady, allthough her case is not confirmed right now. She was so uncertain and really got overwhelmed, that she always asked me for an advise. That does not sound perfect. But there are cases where it needs more time to check the papers. Actually italy passports or residence cards need to be controlled by the danish police office, before a wedding office can give the permission for a marriage. That is why some people tried in the past to marry with faked documents.

I told her: We are sitting on a boat. And while we are sailing with our ship on the ocean suddenly a storm appears. So you got stressed out and are concerned about the outcome… should I get stressed out too? Or would it feel the best for you if I am steady and secure and telling you that there is appearing the sun on the left and the storm will leave us again? She was happy about my speech, because she felt sure that we are on the same boat, that means I am fighting for her and her future husband to get that wedding appointment arranged no matter how complicated that case is. And my optimistic view helped her to stay patient until the great news could be finally delivered by me: successful wedding appointment arranged!

Consider about your perfection. About your path. Think about your talents. I hope that I could inspire you today to be motivated to let go that perfection and live the life to the fullest and realize your future by trying things out and developing yourself step by step.

If you like my content, it would made my day, if you give me a like for this blogpost. And if you assume another person could help that post, please share it with that person too. Start doing things which are meaningful for you. Stop trying to be perfect. It’s better to be yourself.

Successful people: Being superficial vs. profound

The last days while I have connected with other heartpeople I finally realized that a lot of people of our society are blinded by superficialities. I recognized that there are some persons who threat others better if they think those persons are kind of famous or wealthy. It might seem quite naive to expect others to see humans as deep as they really are. But as a child I thought that everybody else feels the deep inside of their conversation partners too. As an adult I admit, most of the crowd are not emphatic.

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There is a big amount of people who try to achieve a successful life. They are thirsty. But do they really know what being famous means? Success can be defined in different kind of ways. For example a person wants to live in a villa with a swimming-pool. Another person just want to be free of working eight to five, for the third person success means to live his or her dreams, for example by traveling around the world. Its quite weird to write about it. But this is neccessary to point out that people are so different and their dreams of success too.

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I really feel guilty sometimes, that my attitute towards a lot of things is so different of that of the crowd. I don’t respect or threat people right, because they are wealthy or famous. At the opposite if somebody appears very perfect in front of me, I find that failure inside this person very quickly. It is not a character trait, to be rich or a famous person. In my opinion a poor person who has great values and stands firm whatever people say, earns to be recognized and loved too. I never prefer people because of their clothes, money or status. The character traits as well as the habits seem more important for me.

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I hope that others can see the beauty of some quiet people too. Beauty is another part of our modern society. On social media, we post our beautiful faces, our happy children and our well arranged food. But is that our reality or just an escape of our life in general? Do we really want to live that perfection? Do we really need all these filters we are using on a daily basis? Would you also put a picture of one of your untidy rooms, and share that with your social friends?

In my family we have that genetic thing with those dark eye shadows. Even if I am rested and relaxed I have two eye rings. In our perfect world I should put concealer on those eye rings in order to look fresh, beautiful and not tired.

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But in reality I don’t like to use concealer on a daily basis. My skin is sensitive and feels bad with that. It does not feel right. It’s like putting on a mask to hide my real me. Okay you might think that it will look better and then make me feel better too…so it would be a winwin situation. Being imperfect and just me, even if I have those shadows under my eyes, seems authentic to me.

I love those people around me and I really like their flaws. The mistakes and small quirks of others make them touchable and lovable for me. If somebody feels embarrassed that is way he/she does not fit into a certain pattern. In my opinion our flaws define ourselves. That quirks can help us to connect with others who does not prefer being superficial. In the last couples of years I got grounded and I realized that helping others to threat themself with respect and love is one of my skills.

Hopefully you learn to love yourself too. Until you are not respecting yourself and not realizing your great value, you will not be able to have a successful life nor a happy relationship. People change. You can change to the good. You should not think that this is the end. Its the beginning of a great opportunity, if you take care of yourself, your values and your purpose.

As an european woman, converted to islam, I am always building bridges between different people, different cultures and different countries. I always want to show others, that the way of speaking with others can change ourselves to the good.

If I am at the supermarket checkout and I see a person who has just a little bit of stuff holding in his arms, it is so easy to do that person a favor by saying: „Oh, please go first!“ It will take a few minutes but „hey that person deserves your attention!“

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Being nice to others starts with being nice to yourself too. If you see somebody has a bad time you can offer your help. If you realize that a person is in need of something you can decide to organize it for that human being. Hopefully money and fame will not change heartpeople. I recommend to stay down-to earth and just to be honest to yourself. If you need to have a rest– lay down and try to recharge your batteries. If you feel depressed, ask yourself why you got there and how you can fix that. Remember the life of everybody is full of ups and downs. Enjoy your life as much as you can.

How do you think about fame, wealth and superficiality? Do you think people can have a deep conversation allthough they are sorrounded by superficial people?

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