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Motivational Monday: Be careful! How to live with a spouse who is totally the opposite of you!

Let me tell you a story…about a girl who deeply felt in love with a man. She was young, curious and full of hope as she met the man of her life.

She thought it would last forever. Her love was tested through a lot of problems in their future. She loved planning while he found fun in being spontaneous. She loved to be alone and in a quiet place while he needed the crowd and lots of noises to feel comfy.

They really enjoyed each other but they were so different, that they struggled with the vision of their relationship more often.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not a drama if man and woman are different, they usually are and that’s natural. It’s quite exiting to be the opposite of each other… you will not bore each other at all but you need a certain base which grounds you as a couple. Trust, loyalty and happiness need an interaction of both. A successful relationship is a challenge. Back to the story:

The girl became a mother and her husband was happy about having a family with her. He enjoyed his new position as a father while he felt somehow ignored by his wife, because she physically was closer to their child then to him for the first couples of month after her childbirth.

baby-20339_1920.jpgThe girl was pretty busy with her daughter who needed her full attention. She did not realize that her husband was longing for intention too.

She was tired, overwhelmed and the home became pretty messy. There were days when she could not do the dishes or had no power to do at least a 10 minutes clean up. She was running around without doing her hair or laying on make up and because her baby bump did not disappear as fast as she wanted she felt insecure and unattractive. She disremembered to be intimate with her husband.

Her husband was patient with her at this point. And he ignored that messy circumstance in their house for a while, until he discovered that the fridge became too stinky and the garbage bin was flowing over by dirty diapers. Because she always was just inside the house, she did not realize that bad smell.

Once he went home and their baby girl had spilled a few seconds ago all over her mothers outfit. She felt weak and tired. After saying „hallo my dear“ he started a conversation with her: „Hey what’s up?“, he asked her: „I called my brother Michael. He and his wife will come over tomorrow. They will visit us for lunch“ She did not say anything.

But it was like a straightforward hit right into her face. Michaels wife Bianca was that kind of „clean mom“, that stay at home mom which loves to clean until every corner in her entire house would be sparkling tidy. Bianca was a passionate cook with lots of delicious food ideas. Thinking of having her around made the girl feel weaker then she already felt before.  Biancas children were already grown up and she always had to offer the girl a lot of hacks and supportive comments, which were inappropriate sometimes.

The girl dreamed of being perfect but was procrastinating every single score in her house so far. She had five laundry baskets of clothes in the basement which needed a great fold. And thinking of all those other spots which needed to be cleaned up made her angry and sad all together.

In her house were lots of messy areas with little stuff which needed to be organized. She asked herself how she should clean her home until her visitors would arrive. All of the sudden she became tired of everything. She felt exhausted. But her husband did not realize that she needed just a few days to reconnect with herself. But how should he know? She did not tell him how she felt like. While she started cleaning he went to the gym to meet his friends.

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Of course she functioned and cleaned up the mess. Michael and Bianca came over and had a great time. The girl felt weird all the time. She did not enjoy the conversation with them. Actually she was not interested if their dog would create messes or did not poop properly every morning.

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She always wanted to improve the world and help others to become better, smarter and happier and now after being a mom she was literally exhausted by any kind of non-sense conversation. She was longing for an intellectual exchange while all those friends and family members of Michael dealt with her superficially.

Her own friends became rare after getting married to her husband. She was young and moved to another town. Being a stay at home mom was more difficult then being an employee.

Her husband did not realize that their actual life teared her apart. She felt lonely although she had contact with others and Michael gave his best to entertain her.Sometimes she had dark days where she just felt to be in the wrong world. Especially if she was overwhelmed by noises she just imagined to escape suddenly into her own world.

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While Michael switched on the news loudly or was watching a tv show or a movie she preferred to read books in a quiet corner of their house. She never had told him, that she can’t tolerate that huge sound. Instead of this she just had hidden herself to the backround.

Once a day Michael did not come home from work. He did not call her that he would come late or needed to work longer then usual.

A couple of weeks ago they had a serious conversation. He told her that she did not find joy at all with him and that he missed to be close to her. He described her as a shell, which would close suddenly by being touched.

And perhaps he was right. More then right. She did not feed her husbands needs. She thought it were just physically but she had closed her heart for his input at all. He really wanted to help her and to support her in order to rescue their relationship, which started full of passion many years ago and was just feeling more then strange right now.

I will not bother you… you need to know the end of the story. The end is surprisingly dark. Perhaps you assume that he felt in love with another woman, he did not. He was totally loyal toward his wife, allthough she forgot to satisfy him.

On this late afternoon she got a call from a police officer. Then a call from the hospital. Her husband was injured by having a heavy car crush. As she arrived at the hospital, he was already dead. They did found fresh flowers which he had bought for her and he had written something like this on the flowercard: for my shell… let me show you how great we fit together. I will always love you until I die“

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He died very quickly because his head was bad injured. The doctors could not rescue him. The girl became a widow within a few minutes. It was a nightmare on a sunny day. Today she had prepared a candle light dinner and had decided to give all her heart to him. She had bought new underwear and had given her daughter to the grandmother in order to care just for her husband. And then suddenly those dark news. She regretted that she did refuse to be close to him all those weeks and month before.

As she got the flowers by the policeman she felt like her heart was falling apart. She did realize how much her husband had meant to her and how bad she had ignored all his small lovely actions of the last couples of months to come close to her again. She had been stucked in her own phantasy, had hidden herself allthough it was not necessary to hide herself.

It is a sad story. I know. That is the reason why I wanted to share this story with you. It’s important to recognize the lessons we can learn through this story:

  • Don’t procrastinate to show your love although you are quite different
  • Never miss to fill the other persons love pocket
  • In a relationship you should try to think how the other person might feel like.
  • Come out of your comfort zone
  • Invest in your future be aware of the present
  • COMMUNICATE!
  • Having children changes a marriage. It’s important to be intimate again after having children. Couples who are not intimate can not stay tuned as those who are.
  • Don’t wait to show the other person how much he/she means to you. It could be your last day in life
  • No regrets. Try to life in the moment. Thinking too much of your past or just imagine how a better future can be can make you forget to be present for the person who needs your attention right now.
  • Sharing a life together means to be there for each other. If the girl would have asked for help or did try to tell her husband how she felt, he could probably help her to get out of her overwhelming situation/ aka depression state.
  • Being in a non-verbal relationship because one of the spouses refuses to be open-minded is a huge fault.
  • It’s better to say what you think no matter what will happen afterwards. If you just swallow your pain, fears and struggles down you are actually not in a relationship. You live with somebody but you don’t share your thoughts and feelings with that person. That is contra-productive and superficial.
  • Every relationship has its up-s and down-s. Spouses who are aware of each other flaws and characteristics are more likely happier and easily solve their problems.
  • Be aware of your inner state. Its so important to be aware about your own. If you are not in peace with yourself, you can never be with somebody else

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Don’t get me wrong. My husband and I for example are totally the opposite of each other:

Me: early riser-He night owl

Me: extraverted- he introverted

Me: I love planning – he loves to be spontanious

I could tell you even more differences, because we are totally the opposite of each other. But we have a certain base. We are grounded by our beliefs, and our values and our goals (allthough those are quite different too)- Goals set us boundaries as well as offer us a bunch of opportunities. Love can be very intensive and true, but you need to stay tuned and be authentic with the person you share your life with.

Hopefully that story helps you to awake, if you have falling asleep in your relationship. Its so important to be aware of your NOW and to be prepared for the future, however it might looks like. We cannot control everything, but we can try to lead ourselves to happiness and success. Be inspired and reflect so you will not regret your life.

You like that kind of content? Then give me a like. If you want to read more motivational stuff, relationship-hacks and positive thoughts in general then consider to subscribe to my blog. If you fill out down below your emailadress, you will not miss a blogpost of mine anymore. I wish you just the best and hope you will become more happier and positive in 2019.

Motivational monday: Why self-awareness and challenges are game-changing

There are so many moments in our lifes where we feel challenged. It would be quite boring if there would not be up’s and down’s in our life’s. Monotony is the death of our personal developement. It’s really desirable to have a certain schedule and to fix to it, but if you do not come out of your comfort zone, you can not change to the good.

You might say: „Okay I am satisfied, with what I already have or which things I have achieved…!“

But I forwarn you: Your status quo means „stagnancy“ could put you out of the game. For example you are working as a lawyer and you have all these clients which are totally enough for you. But do you actually deserve to work for them? Or did you help them in the past and think that they might contact you again because they are no other qualified lawyers in town?

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Sorry, but you need to wake up!

  • You should think about your performance
  • about how you can keep those clients
  • and how you can grow your range of influence.

Perhaps as a lawyer you might think that there are so many crimes and that you will have a lot of willing clients. The reality is different to your personal opinion: Those clients you already had, might consider to contact another lawyer if needed, because they heard about somebodys great reputation. Why should a client find you? What is special about you? And which extra do you offer to them? The market does not sleep while you are sitting there in your comfort zone.

warning

The reality might alarm you, but believe me I love to share these thoughts with you in order to help you to become that person you deserve to be. By being satisfied with yourself and your surroundings there might be happen a lot of stuff which will offend you after a while.

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Your girlfriend for example might not be happy with the fact that you settle back. Perhaps she does not want to attack you with words nor motivate you to do more or to invent yourself. But believe me as a partnership expert I can promise you that the worst thing for a relationship is if the woman feels bored by her spouse. No surprises, no magical moments, no adventure anymore… that sounds really boring.

Perhaps she will feel to run away or she is keeping you until she finds that person who will deliver those things to her, which you are not able to offer anymore.

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  • Don’t settle back- instead of this go forward!
  • Stay hungry!
  • Stay focussed!
  • Stay interested!
  • Show her appreciation!
  • Surprise her!
  • Be kind!
  • Create magical moments!
  • Help her to improve herself as well!
  • Share memorable adventures with her!
  • Speak about the future, her ideas  and your own visions
  • Be out of control!

be that person you would love to love

In every part of your life it is necessary to reflect and to investigate if you can improve your performance.

  • If you want to run a marathon you will practise for it right?
  • If you want that girl you will fight for her, yes you will!
  • If you want that working project, then you will find a way to show your ability to deserve it.

So why do we rest on our laurels afterwards?

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If you are sleeping you are resting. I accept this. And if you are awake you should integrate a bunch of awareness into that time-period. You are able to realize what you are dreaming of. Its all about your personal commitment, challenging yourself day by day. Self-aware-ness will help you to become that person you want to be. Take care of yourself as well as those persons you are surrounded by.

Selfawareness and challenging yourself on a daily basis will change your game forever.

Hopefully my blogpost could motivate you. I am a optimistic blogger and a wedding visionary who helps couples to get their realtionship on a higher level. I arrange civil weddings in denmark and I give advices to couples who want to invest in their partnership. If you like that kind of content you should consider to subscribe to my blog in order to never miss a blogpost of mine.

Feel free to give me a like and to share this post with your friends. Whats your thoughts about selfawareness and challenging yourself? I would appreciate to read your comment with your insights.

Three underestimated love habits which are the key to a successful relationship

Love is magical. But remaining lucky with each other in a long-term relationship might seem as a hard job for you. Obviously some couples are not happy on a daily basis. That is the reason why I like to pay attention to those habits who make you feel happier as a couple, especially if you live together in a long-term relationship. Today I want to share with you three love habits of really lucky couples. You easily can transfer those habits into your own partnership and hopefully you will bring your relationship on a higher level as soon as possible. Weiterlesen „Three underestimated love habits which are the key to a successful relationship“

von Anders Noren.

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