I was inspired by myself for this blogpost. High Five. Why? Because I really got mad the last time as my husband complained about something. And I literally felt pure anger like never before. His words hit the mark. My emotional state were at the limit. No, honestly I was at my limit: I was exhausted. I had a day full of uncertain situations with emotions of others, I wanted to have a work-out and my kitchen was a hot mess I had to deal with! The children refused to sleep and I literally felt like my ears were ringing alarm! Do you know those situations, if you already guess something is gonna be out of control? I admit I was out of control more then anybody around me. A few appointments out of my house, lack of sleep, noisy kids which were both ill through their school holiday… and created messes everywhere in the house, unfinished cases of couples which were cruising around my mind…! ANGRY
I know its human to get angry. I know most of us get angry once in a while. But ANGER is just one letter far from DANGER. Because if you get so angry that you don’t really know what you are doing– then it is not good anymore. Not for yourself and neither for those people you are surrounded by.
Nobody can protect himself from getting angry. But you can learn to deal with that anger issue. You can change your behaviour, if you want to develope your personality.
Today I want to inspire you to change your mind about anger. I will tell you about my personal way of dealing with my anger. But before I want to share that senseful quote with you:
Speek when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. (Ambrose Bierce)
If we are angry, we do things or say things, we will later feel sorry for. And if you know that your emotions can lead you to a certain point where you really will act like a fool, terrorist or a dictator… then please open you mind for an alternative:
- Keep Cool! At first you might think. What? Nonsense. But please, give this point a chance. Because you should just count a few numbers… stay cool. Stay quiet. Don’t react like a fool! Stay smart. Anger is rising inside yourself and you perhaps already know why, but perhaps you react just on something and after a few minutes you will regret your senseless reaction. So just try to breath deeply and stay quiet. All your thoughts are allowed. But please, just hold on. Don’t speak. Try to stay calm for a while.
- Try to be objective! Normally people don’t get angry, if they feel comfortable. Usually a person gets angry by feeling attacked or being dealed unfair. If somebody is judging you or your behaviour for example, you take it personally and perhaps get in a state of anger. But that is just the on side of the coin. The other side is in the hand of the person which provokes your anger at this point. So, just try to be objective. Put yourself in the positition of the other person. Be emphatic! Why does that person act like this and I feel attacked by this?Perhaps that person is just holding a mirror in front of you and you already knew that there is something going on. But the other person speaks out what you already feel. Perhaps the other person asks you about something you have a hardtime with…the easist deal would be to consist of your point of view and to judge the other person for improper behaviour. But I am sure you already know that this deal is not a good solution for the long run. Because you just want to find somebody guilty for your anger. I can promise to you that you would not react with anger, if you would not care about the other person or that circumstance you are actually in.
- Let of steam, instead of attacking! There is a different between attacking and letting of that steam. You should find a way to deal with your emotional reaction. You could just leave the situation and take some deep breathes in and out. Having a walk outside can really free your mind and neutralize your state of anger. There are situations if you cannot have a time-out. Then you can do something effective which helps you: It could be a cleaning task (because of the anger you have a lot of cleaning-power), you could have a great workout… there are a lot of possibilities- you could write your thoughts in a notebook or listen to music. Try to calm down instead of attacking the person who provoked your anger. By attacking you will just give the other person more reasons to attack you again and then the result is a unrespectful fight with dubios ending. Its better if you wait until you get calm again, because a calm spirit can handle every issue and can make a compromise, while an anger spirit is just able to create a war or broke somebody or something.
- Reflect about your emotional state of anger! Often we are just a product of our emotions and if we get out of control its better if other people hide themselves, right? But humans need that interaction with others. We are human animals which need to have relationships and if we learn to deal with all kind of emotions we will bring an additional benefit to every social contact we are having. Reflecting about our feelings is the key to get closer to them and to understand why we feel those emotions and when. Awareness helps you a lot. If I am getting angry because of a certain issue, then I need to deal with that issue and put my focus on that instead of ignoring it and trying to hide a certain weakness. Being honest to yourself is the most important thing you can do for yourself. It can hurt. Yes. But its better if you hurt yourself once and then stand up and fight for yourself instead of hurting others and then you will damage the connection to those people everlasting.
When anger rises, think of the consequences. –Confucius
Hopefully I could inspire you to deal with your anger. Being angry is part of our life. But if we give ourselves a try to change ourselves to the good, then the world could be a place of kindness, support and compromises. What do you thing about anger? How do you deal with that? Feel free to comment!