Beziehungstipps Archives - Heiraten in Dänemark

Beziehungsstress wegen Geld muss nicht sein! Lerne wie du zauberhaft mit deinem Geld umgehen kannst!

Es herrschen ungewisse Zeiten. Die Pandemie hat uns sozusagen ausgebremst. Viele Menschen können ihrem Job nicht wie gewöhnlich nachgehen und müssen mit Kürzungen rechnen. Die Mehrzahl der Bevölkerung in Deutschland arbeitet nun von zu Hause aus oder in Kurzarbeit.

Einige haben sogar ein Berufsverbot und müssen ihre Läden schließen. Die staatlichen Fördermaßnahmen für Unternehmer sind eine Maßnahme, um kurzfristig die Liquidität erhalten zu können. Wie es nun tatsächlich weitergeht, steht allerdings noch in den Sternen.

Und so sieht der Alltag bei vielen ganz anders aus als sonst. Die Rechnungen flattern bei den meisten allerdings fleißig weiterhin in den Briefkasten, und wenn man diese dann nicht direkt bezahlen kann, dann stresst das nicht nur, sondern sorgt auch für Streitigkeiten innerhalb der Beziehung.

Es gibt einige Menschen, die haben ihre Finanzen im Griff. Die Übrigen haben keinen genauen Überblick und zücken gerne mal die Kreditkarte, wenn das Konto oder der Dispo bereits ausgeschöpft sind.

Geld ist ein Thema, welches zu ernsten Beziehungsproblemen führen kann. Und genau deswegen, ist es wichtig sich dem Thema zu widmen. Denn Unwissenheit- sorgt für Unsicherheit und lässt Raum für große Spekulationen und hitzige Diskussionen. Und damit du in Zukunft deine Finanzen im Griff hast und mit deiner Partnerin in Fülle leben kannst, habe ich mir überlegt, ich interviewe einen Finanzcoach, genauergesagt Per Schippl für dich:

Lieber Per, ich danke dir für deine Offenheit und deine Bereitschaft, meine Fragen zu beantworten: Weiterlesen „Beziehungsstress wegen Geld muss nicht sein! Lerne wie du zauberhaft mit deinem Geld umgehen kannst!“ →

6. Mai 2020 0

Wie du über dich hinauswächst, obwohl alles ungewiss ist!

Wir sind alle mehr oder weniger isoliert im Moment. Laut Regierung wird uns dazu geraten, uns nur mit der Kernfamilie, mit der man quasi zusammenwohnt abzugeben. Sämtliche soziale Kontakte sind abgebrochen: Sportvereine, Bibliotheken und Cafes haben geschlossen. Schule & Kitas sind dicht. Alle die dazu halbwegs in der Lage sind, werden dazu angehalten von zu Hause aus zu arbeiten. Tatsächlich liegt nun eine ungewöhnliche Zeit vor uns, aber diese Phase birgt gleichzeitig unendlich viele Chancen… Weiterlesen „Wie du über dich hinauswächst, obwohl alles ungewiss ist!“ →

22. April 2020 2

A resilient spouse is a magical secret!

Do you know those magical couples, where they just look into each other eyes and know what the significiant other needs? Obviously there are couples existing who really have that vibe together, short: They do their thing and it looks like it all just magically happens.

But I will tell you the truth. The magic needs effort, personal investment.

After the first time period of every lovecouple, while the butterflies are passing by and the daily routines make it more and more difficult to create that „magic“, many couples cannot exist anymore or cannot stay lucky at a certain point.

Perhaps it’s all about destiny, you might assume, but if you ever have heard of the principle of attraction you might know: Like tends to attract like. Positivity usually attracts positivity and negativity attracts usually negativity.

I like to tell you a story of one of my brides, who really was unpatient with their case. Let’s call her Sarah. I applied her and her boyfriends documents. Usually it takes two weeks until I will receive a approval letter means the permission for them to get married in denmark. Sometimes it just needs 5 days. Unfortunaly her caseworker dived a little deeper as usually and wanted to check the documents of the groom by the german authority (means passport control and checking the visa of the embassy which offered him to enter Europe), which had taken extra time.

Instead of hope and optimism, Sarah went pretty dark and messed it up. She contacted me many times and asked me, if I could call the danish authority who decides and ask about their case. I did it allready a few times without waiting her to tell me, because if cases takes longer time, I will ask about them by myself. But the caseworkers still not had a decision.

Sarah felt fallen apart and was afraid, that her boyfriend would leave the country again without getting married with her. They already had a couple of years been stucked in that long-distance relationship. Two different continents, constantly waiting for visa applications and holidays to see each other again. She was not able to handle that anymore. She wanted to live together with him, at one place, as a married & happy couple.

You might ask yourself: Why does she write about that? Yes, because I told her to not destroy my success quote with her negativity. Her negative thoughts were too intense for my personal taste.

I am okay with the fact that there are lots of people running around who are not calling themselves optimists. But hey, I am thinking positive and always putting positive energy in my clients and I am really convinced that this is the reason why I until now always had positive feedbacks through the danish authority, means a success quote of 100%.

There are cases which are difficult and sometimes additional information is asked belonging lovecouples but the results made my couples & me always pretty happy.

So what did I do? I asked the future bride to do me a favor. She should sit down a few minutes to calm down, just relax and not let getting the „brainstruggles“ too smart over her heart. I told her to just try to see the world a little bit more positive. I knew she went to lots of problems in the past and it was unable to be positive and full of hope. I advised her to just imagine, how it would feel like, if I call her with great news that I received the permission for their marriage. She should imagine, that he would marry her boyfriend this week. I was aware about the visa, and that there were just a few days left and I really by myself was exited put did put a pokerface on, in order to give her hope and a kind of emotional confirmation that we can reach her goal.

Everything would change to the good, I stayed positive as I always do, because my hope is powerful and I am aware of it.

I insisted on the fact that „a positive mindset“ would bring a positive answer to us. Several times I explained to her, that her negative thoughts were stopping the decisionsmakers to find a final positive conclusion. She might thought I was nuts, but if you know about the principle of attraction, you know that this psychological phenomenon is powerful. Being a little bit extraordinary is okay, right?

Do you want to know how the story ends? They got married. Finally. They said „YES!“ to each other at the same week, as I told her to imagine. And she laughed abouth her doubts and her „struggles“ and unpatience afterwards and apoligized that she did not believe in the power of positivity before. But afterwards that great result switched her mindset from dark black to pretty vanilla.

Okay let’s come back to the beginning. Those couples who are magical. What is their secret? They are focused on their power, their success, their progress, their comittment their magical vibe. People might get envious about them. They might speak about those couples who are obviously made for each other… the reason why they are happy and strong together is: They have a masterplan. They create their relationship a multiple of times over and over again. How?

If its getting boring in the relationship, they are aware of it and are seeking for exitement inside their relationship instead of searching for it outside. They are focussed and feel the other persons need. You might ask yourself: How can I become that magical and resilient in my personal relationship?

And perhaps you will find out easily:

Observe– what does your spouse need
Offer– if you know the person you love needs something, than offer it without expecting something back in return
Be Grateful– for being with that person. Pay attention to the person you love.
Be loyal: safe all his/her secrets and be loyal in every kind of way.
Be honest: perhaps its comfortable to tell a lie her and there, but focus on being honest and trustworthy on the long run you will find happiness with your spouse
Be exited: Your spouse is entering the room. Are you just saying „hello“ and then looking back to your laptop/smartphone or standing up, giving a big hug and telling the person you love how great it is to see him/her again?
Offer Respect: there is a unknown truth of being respectful. Allthough you are not the same opinion, you can offer the other person in front of you respect. You don’t need to have the same opinion, but you can respect each others views on a higher level
Get spiritual: Whatever you might believe in, or whatever you have in common— it can help you to build up a strong bond. You both believe in God? great, you might feel connected on a deeper level through it, or you both love soccer or coffee? So you will have something to talk about– or enjoy together without any words needed.
Be interested: Perhaps you love reading and your spouse is a person who enjoys movies more then a book. If you know he/she has a certain interest, it is pretty nice to show interest, allthough that topic might not be as exited as you might think by the first time. He/she would really feel more connected to you, if you show interest into his/her hobbies, obsessions and passions. And one the other side: Many books will have a movie debüt afterwards. Perhaps it might be interesting for you to read a book and then watch the movie based on that book as a couple?
Do your thing: People often get lost in their relatonships. Thats a huge issue. If you just invest and forget yourself and expect that everything is coming back to you but the spouse does not act as you might expect, then you should realize: You forget yourself, you got lost. So find yourself again. What is your thing? What do you like to do? Its important to do the things you enjoy on a regular basis in order to feel happy again. Nobody expects from his/her spouse to change to 180 degree. Why did that person fell in love with you? Because you did your thing! So do what you enjoy the most in order to get back on track.

Every couple struggles sometimes. Believe me. In every relationship ups and downs are included. But your attitude is which can change a „relationship“ to a „really magical, and successful, lucky partnership“ on the long run.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this. Do you know such kind of couples who look magical and have that certain vibe? Are you already building up such a strong bond? Love to read your personal insights about the whole issue… so if you like leave a comment now!

2. Oktober 2019 0

Ultimative Tipps, um die Beziehung zu deiner Partnerin dauerhaft zu verbessern

Du möchtest deine Beziehung verbessern? Deine Freundin, beschwert sich, dass du keine Zeit für sie hast oder ihr nicht zu hörst? Alles kein Problem mehr, wenn du ein paar Details beachtest. Frauen sind gar nicht so kompliziert, wie sie vorgeben zu sein. Du kannst mit wenigen Klenigkeiten, ihr Herz höher schlagen lassen und frischen Wind in deinen Beziehungsalltag bringen. Schau dir einfach mal mein Youtube-Video an. Egal ob du ein erfolgreicher Unternehmer bist oder Angestellter… mein KnowHow hilft dir hoffentlich weiter, deine Partnerin ein Stück weit besser zu verstehen…

hier klicken, um zum Video zu gelangen

1. Februar 2019 0

Conquer the battle of feeling less important in a long-distance relationship

You are totally exhausted! You feel overwhelmed because your friends have their spouse close by while you are diving in the unknown ocean of a long-distance relationship.

Date-nights, cuddling on the couch, the good night kiss and the sleepy view of the person you love in the morning…you are far away from all that things which are quiete usual for a relationship. You miss everything of those simple habits, because you are without your spouse. That’s your reality.

It can be a nightmare sometimes if you love somebody who is far away, perhaps lives in a different time-zone then yours. How great would it feel to beam that person right in front of you and give „the one“ a hug?

People assume that they are strong and disciplined to wait…but every single cell of your body is longing for being close to that person you love and you don’t know if you can handle those feelings anymore.

There are voices in your head. You feel lonely sometimes although you know that there is a person feeling similar to you many miles far away. But there are days where you just freak out and imagine that there could be somebody else instead of yourself. That person who is not miles far away, a person who does not need the complexity of a long-distance relationship.

There are days where you might question your decision to have a long-distance relationship generally. It’s hard. It’s exhausting and you are missing your spouse so much that you are unable to concentrate at all. If you feel totally unimportant then you should be honest to yourself!

Reflecting can help you further:

Decide what you want to change!
Why do you feel less important?
Do you put more effort in that relationship then your spouse does?
Is your spouse aware about your doubts?
Can you imagine living together at one place?
Would you give up your home, work or comfort-zone to be close to that person?
Research about possibilities, work options for you in his country/town. Consider to run an online business. Would you be able to change your routines?

Did I mention the option of getting married? No? No waiting for visa, holiday or plane tickets…just living together at one place.

Some people are not ready for a marriage yet and they want to discover if the spouse is the right one.

Sorry- having a long-distance-relationship should be a temporary thing. Who really finds joy in this state of relationship? If the other person wants to be free and unindependent then be sure its not a real relationship its called an affair or an open-love-thing

I recommend that you should consider how much your spouse means to you. If you assume it’s „the one“ then ask that person about putting the relationship on a higher level and getting close to each other.

Perhaps your spouse is on board and is happy about your suggestion. If the other person does not want to have a real relationship with you without distance, then be sure it’s better to quit that issue right here right now. Don’t waste your time!

Being honest is important. Everybody gets older. You should never invest your time or give your heart to somebody who does not value your feelings and is in love with you too. Being close and having goals together is a huge part of a great relationship.

If you want to get married, I will be there to organize your civil wedding in Denmark for you easily. Just write me an email: agentur.herzensfreude@yahoo.de

Any thoughts? Feel free to comment

21. Januar 2019 0

Happy marriage goals: The 8 character trait of the perfect husband

A happy marriage is not build in one day. Huge buildings are not constructed by one day neither. You need clear plans for both to get the result you are longing for. An architect can outline a scheme of a specific building and plan many details. But if the construction worker do not follow his plans, the building will be out of control. It will not be that masterpiece which it were meant to be if the workers tamper with the hole thing.

A lucky marriage is similar to this example. You can plan and put all your effort into it. But a relationship aka marriage is not a one-man show. Its a dialogue, an unit, a day-to-day investment. Honestly if you mess it up, it will be done before you already start the journey together.

I read a lot about the perfect wife and how she should be and how she can improve herself. And I was surprised, that there are no great advices for him. Okay, there are some authors out there, which wrote guidebooks for him. But those books are more about how he can be a gentleman, or how he can satisfy her sexual needs. There are a few books out there who might improve your mindset of being a man. But did they ever speak about the important character trait of a perfect husband? Nope.

If you know a book, which does, please tell me about it, because I would love to read it. But until then, I will try to summarize the character traits of the perfect husband. And please that is really my selective perception.

Loyality: A wife should have the possibility to put trust in her husband. If she tells him a secret he should be able to keep that private. Beyond that a perfect husband does not need to focus on other women. He should be able to satisfy his wife and his own needs inside his partnership. If a man is not able to be loyal, he should not consider to marry somebody. I don’t believe that a womanizer can perform the role of a perfect hubby. Loyality comes first.
Kindness: Its all about how you act with others. If a man is kind to people, the wife will feel good about choosing that person as her husband. If he acts with kindness, she will also answer with kind words, because if he offers a certain value to her, she will be able to respond to that. An unkind man will bother others and his wife by his embarrasing behaviour.
Respect: A true man, aka gentleman respects others. Even if he does not share the same opinion about a certain topic he is able to respect the other person for the different point of view. Women love to be valued and respected. If you treat your wife with respect, she will be gentle and reward you for this too.
Pride: Whatever she is doing in private or business, if you show her that you are proud of her skills, intentions and her behaviour you will make her day. Being appreciative is very useful. Be proud of yourself, be proud of her and be proud of your marriage. If you love to improve your marriage you should focus on the good things in your partnership and show her what makes you really proud of her.
Adventurous: Women gernerally want to be strong today, thats right. But beside this your wife loves you to be adventurous too. That kind of adventurous, if you just want to do something unexpected, which really blows her mind. Although she loves to have a certain routine, she will enjoy it if you go an extra mile for her, to show her that you will invent yourself from time to time. Thinking out of the box will help you to be that kind of human she is longing forever.
Homourous: If you can make her smile, then you will be really happy together. If not, then you should work on your sense of humor. Laughing is very important in life. If you cannot laugh and she is also not able too, then the marriage would be very sad. If you can make her laugh, she will enjoy your company on a daily basis for sure.
Reliable: If you promise something, that means a total commitment. If you cannot realise something, then it is better to stay quiet instead of giving a promise to her. She wants somebody to hold on not to wait for. So if you have an appointment with her, make sure to be on time, and if you will be late, give her a call. If she needs you, unindependtly if emotionally or physically- be there for her. She needs you, so be present. That is what a perfect husband can always realise if he is in love with her. No execuses.8.Flexibility : If something is not working as planned, then you can easily become angry or react irritated. By being flexibel you give yourself and your surroundings so many added opportunities. Try to be as flexibel as you can. She will be thankful for your effort. Many wifes have a hard time by dealing with changes. If you stay cool and flexibel, she will be more relaxed and happy, even if life is not easy at all. Being able to compromise is very useful. You could persist on your right, on your thoughts and your decisions, but it would be egoistic. So if you want to be a perfect husband then be creative and flexibel in order to realise great results.

A happy marriage is possible. It is important that you remind yourself of the good things, try to improve your „now“ and that you have a certain vision of your „Future We“.

Awareness is so powerful. If you are sure about what you want to achieve in the next years together you can support each other and enjoy each others company. Offering value to the other person is really underestimated. People think it will all fit perfectly and they could stay in their comfort zone. Suddenly they wonder why their marriage does not work as it should.

I can promise you that a marriage is full of up and downs. It is like a rollercoaster:

You will have those moments where you feel afraid & shocked. There are moments of having a hard time. Then other days you will be full of joy, totally lucky, secure and proud. Focus on the positive outcome. Trust in the process. If you invest, you will be rewarded later on.

Which character trait is your favorite and why?

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15. Oktober 2018 0

The True 4 Helpers Of Partnershipgoals

A couple of days somebody told me, he admired the fact that I could write in a romantic style. Furthermore if I am interested in creating some advertising articles for his company, I would be very welcome.

I reflected about that message and I recognized how lovely that sounds, but I assume I am far away from being romantic, or writing romantically. In my opinion I am kind of disenchanted and pretty pragmatic. How do you perceive me?

Todays blogpost is stright-forward and honest as usual. I don’t like my readers to confuse with romantic phrases or with fantasy stories. My focus is always on facts combined with our emotions. The combination of the truth and the unknown, which needs to be revealed, is that knowledge which really drives me to write on my blog.

I hope, that you feel heard and respected by me as my reader. However you felt before you read my articles, I truly look forward, to help you to improve yourself and get deeper to those feelings inside yourself. I love you to feel valued and important, without being judged. Every person in this world deserves to be respected for its being.

It really matters, that you connect with yourself in order to get happier and positive on a daily basis. Life can be really full of struggle. I am always confronted with lots of problems too. People don’t know all about me. They just see that smart side of me, which helps others to get things done and to improve their game. That I by myself have a lot of issues going on in the backround, which make me nervous and need my focus, that is the other side of my life, which is okay too. Every person has problems to deal with and I just like you to know, that I also need to find solutions for my own problems too. But through all my problems I really learnt to get smarter and I am really grateful for every lesson of my life so far.

Lets speak about The 4 Truth about Partnershipgoals.

If you are in a partnership there are certain bounderies which might be unvisable.

They are unspoken rules, expectations and limitations in every relationship. These points can hinder your personal developement and influence your hapiness level as well.

The reason why I write about that is, that most people are not able to live their full potential, because they feel stopped or interrupted by the person they love. If you are living in a long-term-relationship you will automatically adapt a certain behaviour of that person you are living with. Additionally your thoughts can follow a specific pattern which is similiar to the thoughts of your spouse. Its like somebody has hacked your mind and has the ability to control you. The fact is, that you are emotionally involved and don’t want to hurt the person you share your life with nor be judged by that person, who admires you.

I really love people to connect with each other, to go deeply in their partnership and get that intense familiarity with each other. But couples need to be aware of themselves as independent persons. If I am not aware of myself and my own selective perception, I am living the life of another person or let another person decide about my life at all. And then at the end of the day, it feels surreal, because you dont live your own reality, but a life which is defined by another person.

So how can I live in harmony with my inner thoughts and rules as well as those of my spouse?

4 Truth Helpers of Partnershipgoals

1. Brainstorm on what your goals are

Man and woman can be very different. And their goals can be totally unlike, allthough they are a couple. Personal goals need to be defined by yourself. You have that goals which you want to achieve by your own. Additionally there are those goals which you love to accomplish with your spouse. Perhaps there are some expectations belonging your partner too. Write it down and speak about it. If you have different goals, you need to think and talk about possibilities to realize them. If you repress your thoughts and goals, you will feel dissatisfied after a while. It is neccessary to be aware about your purposes, in order to be real and honest to yourself. If you do not have any goals, you can drift away. If you do not focus, other people can decide about you and guide you. For some people that made be okay, but then you live anothers person truth instead of revealing your own hero.

2. Take up challenges and disagreements early on

Neglecting or ignoring problems will have bad consequences. Small issues can grow quite big after a small amount of time. If you feel uncertain about a specific topic its better to point out your insecurities instead of pretending that you win the whole game. In a partnership you can not fight alone. Partnership means that two persons connect with each other and support each other too. So if you feel stressed out, you should point that out, so misunderstandings will not grow to weird fights which are out of control. Fighting is important. Don’t fit yourself into a situation just to have „peace“. Thats not a real peace. You will feel peaceful if you are able to discuss things out and get connected again after every argument. You should not try to avoid disagreements. Every person is different and therefore misunderstandings and conflicts will appear, don’t worry.

3. Adress both partners needs

It is important to be aware of the needs of your spouse. Needs can change, and being up to date is really important in order to stay tuned and connected with each other. Sometimes its okay to put the needs of your spouse over your own needs. But that should be a special moment. If you just take care of the other person needs and your spouse does not pay attention to your own personal needs, nor takes care to fulfill your needs, then the relationship will get out of balance, which is really unhealthy. Seeing that you will be disappointed soon and cannot hold on all your defined partnershipgoals, because your spouse operates careless. So why should you care about him/her anymore?

4. Understand one anothers limitations

You should be aware of your own skills and your mindset. Furthermore you should take care of the limitations of your spouse. Some people are limited by their mindset and need to work on that, others are just limited with their skills generally. I am really convinced about the fact that understanding the flaws of the partner and the personal boundaries can bring a great impact into that relationship. You can support each other belonging partnershipgoals. The result matters. People will ask you about how you managed all this. And I strongly believe in the fact that couples can use the power of imagination to realize their goals. Sharing the process is something which creates a deeper connection. And by understanding the limitations of the spouse and the awareness of the strengths you can become a dreamteam for life.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this. Perhaps you already are aware of all these four components, thats great. My favorite is Number 2. That is way I am a „peacemaker“. Conflicts are great to express your upset and sadness and to feel how your own acting can bother someone else. But I really prefer to live in a peaceful environment, where everybody feels listened, honoured and loved. Which truth of the four points is your favorite one?

28. September 2018 0

Motivational Monday Partnershipgoals: Why does a fight with my spouse help to clear the air?

Hopefully you had a great weekend and you are high motivated to start this monday with good intention and happiness. Did you had a great weekend so far?

I am grateful about the fact that my weekend was really awesome. I enjoyed my me-time, quality-time with my husband as well as some adventures with our children.

On sunday I went to a circus with my family and I realized that the people around me were full of conflicts. I thought, its really bad for people, if they are having an argument but don’t know to handle their problems with each other in a proper way.

Honestly I often feel so emphatic that I could literally cry for other peoples headaches… but if those people would realize how powerful a fight can be and how much impact a solved conflict can bring into a relationship they would not be scared of fighting anymore. I am really optimistic about the fact that every interaction between human beings can help us to know each other on a deeper level, as well as explore ourselves.

Most people are not able to handle conflicts in a decent way. They actually did not learn it as a child nor in their partnership. If a conflict arises a person which is not able to manage that problem in a professional way will react mostly in one of those four ways:

He/she withdraws, like snails hide into their houses.
He/she becomes silent and reacts offended and starts ignoring the other person.
He/She attacks and insults the opponent without thinking about the consequences.
He/She leaves because of the leck of ability to handle any conflict.

The reason why people are afraid to handle conflicts with others is that they did not learn it. We can compare it with a small lesson of your childhood, like riding a bike or learning swimming. I am sure about the fact that at the first try of both activities you were uncertain and concerned about your ability to get through that exercise in a good way.

And that is totally okay. Why? Because people always need to do things more then once in order to get sure about it and to develope a certain confidence. The ability of proper conflict-management is not a native skill. You need to fight a couple of times in order to learn fighting in a wiser way.

If you recognize that fighting is not the end of the world, you will also learn, that fighting is quite usual and can even bring an impact to your relationship. In most cases a great solution is on the way if you put your effort and your kindness into that conflict:

Most reasons for fight:

People fight because they are different.
People fight because they have various needs.
People fight because of their selective perception.
People fight because of their different opinions, goals and values
People fight, because they misunderstood a lot, or misinterpret words, emotions and reactions of others
People fight because of cultural differences and lingual gaps.
People fight, because of bad habits and frustration.

This list could be a never ending one. Because there are so many reasons and options to start a fight with your spouse. But it does not matter, WHY you are fighting. Sometimes there is something in the air and a conflict arises suddenly…

The important thing about fighting is to prepare yourself for that „war“. You might laugh about my words, because I describe it in this way! By preparation for a conflict I don’t mean to arm yourself and to check your weapons to be ready all the time. On the contrary I recommend that you should try to strengthen your skills belonging conflict-management. Then you can easily figure out how to fight with an successful outcome.

Most parents show their children how to share a bar of chocolate and how to fight for their rights. But just a few adults teach their children how to handle with personal conflicts.

Especially that ability of conflict-management is needed and helpful in a partnership as well as in other aspects of our society. People who can calm down and stay politely in conflicts are an enrichment for all of us.

The generation Y was full of children which witnessed the divorce of their parents. I was really lucky that my parents did stay together, but in my class there were daily news about new fights of parents and claims of divorces.

I remember how broken those pupils were but actually they were happy about the fact that there were no more fights anymore. But some of them got that kind of commitment phobia. They were unable to trust someone close in their life afterwards, because of the divorce of their parents. Others thought they would do it so much better as their parents did, but they really failed.

A happy marriage is not build in a day. It needs the ability to invest and the investment is not allowed to be onesided. If both spouses are on the same level they can improve their partnership day by day. A qualified conflict-management system can realize building up a strong relationship: If you know how to fight, you can learn through all your conflicts. It is like an app which is updated. You will create the opportunity to have more space and be faster and safer afterwards.

I like to compare a relationship with entrepreneurship. If you are running a business there can happen a lot of unexpected circumstances aka conflicts. If you learn to handle these problems and stay motivated you can bring your business on a higher level. If you create solutions for problems and conflics you can really be aware of everything and stay on top.

It is similar in a relationship. A good fight can clear the air. Your space you are living in sometimes needs an intensive housecleaning process. The emotional impact is huge, because you bring all these feelings out of your mind and give the other person access to exchange data with your heart.

I personally don’t believe that a relationship does work without fighting and making ones peace with each other afterwards.

If one person is shy to fight or afraid of conflicts, he/she will do everything in order to please the spouse and to avoid a conflict. But that kind of relationship is not a healthy one. Because that person which is always swallowing his/her feeelings in order to keep a „peaceful environment“ will suddenly burn out. It is just a question of time.

There are some rules, which are really helpful, if you are in an argument and belonging your future as a couple:

You should start always with an I message: “ I am concerned.“, „I am sad.“ „I am angry“. And you should not say things like: I am sad because you are a jerk.“
Explain and express yourself without complaining or warming up old stuff of the past!
You should try to act honestly & politely allthough you literally would prefer to throw a plate on the floor ;O):
Listen, what the other person has to say. And try to stay silent until the other person finishes his/her explainations. Don’t interrupt. I know that’s really hard but you can train yourself to stop interrupting. Give the other party that space to express his/her feelings and sorrows
Review about the situation and ask the other person about personal wishes and suggestions to solve a certain problem.
Mention which is important to yourself and stay calm.
Agree on a compromise, even if you would like to win this fight. In most cases both spouses are right. But naturally you feel that your point of view is the right term. A compromise is the tool which let you both become winners instead of a winner and a looser result. You should always support a win- win situation
Reflect about the feelings and the needs of the person you love and share your life with.
How can you support that person? Would it bring an impact to continuate in this condition? Evaluate the consequences of your speech, actions and intentions and try to bring a greater value into your partnership
Balance is the key to handle any conflict. If you are sad about something and you miss to point this out, it is possible that your spouse is not aware of your sadness. Communication is the key to a happy marriage. Try to express your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis in order to avoid that you collect a huge amount of unpleasent feelings.

Fighting with your spouse is not as bad as it might seem by the first sight. It is the oppurtunity to get to know each other better and to connect and find compromises. Fighting cleans the air, because you can express yourself. If your spouse is able to have a good fight with you it can intense your partnership. Solving problems brings a great value. So if you learn to fight with introducing peace into that process, you will really fresh up your partnership after every conflict.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this. WAIT! If you did, please press the like-button or share this with somebody who should read this blogarticle. I really love people to stay connected and try improving themselves. If you want to help others too, then hit the share-button: Because sharing is caring!

How do you handle your conflicts? I would really love to know how you think about managing conflicts in a relationship. Which hack do you want to share? Do you like to point out something which was not mentioned by me? Please use the comment function to interact!

17. September 2018 1

Which problem do you want to solve in your relationship?

Many people enjoy reading lovestories and most people love to get advices for a happy relationship. Why? Probably because we love that feeling of reading romantic stories or listening to someone who can show us, how we can be happier then right now?

I personally like to watch romantic movies and I like those kind of movies where couples go to a lot (!!!) of struggle but at the end of the movie there is a kind of happy end. Okay, sorry that is to much illusion for you? Might be, because the reality is not about rainbows and butterflies… Weiterlesen „Which problem do you want to solve in your relationship?“ →

14. September 2018 0

Heiraten in Dänemark

Hochzeitsagentur Herzensfreude

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