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Heiraten in Dänemark

Hochzeitsagentur Herzensfreude

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relationship

A resilient spouse is a magical secret!

Do you know those magical couples, where they just look into each other eyes and know what the significiant other needs? Obviously there are couples existing who really have that vibe together, short: They do their thing and it looks like it all just magically happens.

But I will tell you the truth. The magic needs effort, personal investment.

After the first time period of every lovecouple, while the butterflies are passing by and the daily routines make it more and more difficult to create that „magic“, many couples cannot exist anymore or cannot stay lucky at a certain point.

Perhaps it’s all about destiny, you might assume, but if you ever have heard of the principle of attraction you might know: Like tends to attract like. Positivity usually attracts positivity and negativity attracts usually negativity.

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I like to tell you a story of one of my brides, who really was unpatient with their case. Let’s call her Sarah. I applied her and her boyfriends documents. Usually it takes two weeks until I will receive a approval letter means the permission for them to get married in denmark. Sometimes it just needs 5 days. Unfortunaly her caseworker dived a little deeper as usually and wanted to check the documents of the groom by the german authority (means passport control and checking the visa of the embassy which offered him to enter Europe), which had taken extra time.

Instead of hope and optimism, Sarah went pretty dark and messed it up. She contacted me many times and asked me, if I could call the danish authority who decides and ask about their case. I did it allready a few times without waiting her to tell me, because if cases takes longer time, I will ask about them by myself. But the caseworkers still not had a decision.

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Sarah felt fallen apart and was afraid, that her boyfriend would leave the country again without getting married with her. They already had a couple of years been stucked in that long-distance relationship. Two different continents, constantly waiting for visa applications and holidays to see each other again. She was not able to handle that anymore. She wanted to live together with him, at one place, as a married & happy couple.

You might ask yourself: Why does she write about that? Yes, because I told her to not destroy my success quote with her negativity. Her negative thoughts were too intense for my personal taste.

I am okay with the fact that there are lots of people running around  who are not calling themselves optimists. But hey, I am thinking positive and always putting positive energy in my clients and I am really convinced that this is the reason why I until now always had positive feedbacks through the danish authority, means a success quote of 100%. 

There are cases which are difficult and sometimes additional information is asked belonging lovecouples but the results made my couples & me always pretty happy.

So what did I do? I asked the future bride to do me a favor. She should sit down a few minutes to calm down, just relax and not let getting the „brainstruggles“ too smart over her heart. I told her to just try to see the world a little bit more positive. I knew she went to lots of problems in the past and it was unable to be positive and full of hope. I advised her to just imagine, how it would feel like, if I call her with great news that I received the permission for their marriage. She should imagine, that he would marry her boyfriend this week. I was aware about the visa, and that there were just a few days left and I really by myself was exited put did put a pokerface on, in order to give her hope and a kind of emotional confirmation that we can reach her goal.

Everything would change to the good, I stayed positive as I always do, because my hope is powerful and I am aware of it.

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I insisted on the fact that „a positive mindset“ would bring a positive answer to us. Several times I explained to her, that her negative thoughts were stopping the decisionsmakers to find a final positive conclusion. She might thought I was nuts, but if you know about the principle of attraction, you know that this psychological phenomenon is powerful. Being a little bit extraordinary is okay, right?

Do you want to know how the story ends? They got married. Finally. They said „YES!“ to each other at the same week, as I told her to imagine. And she laughed abouth her doubts and her „struggles“ and unpatience afterwards and apoligized that she did not believe in the power of positivity before. But afterwards that great result switched her mindset from dark black to pretty vanilla.

Okay let’s come back to the beginning. Those couples who are magical. What is their secret? They are focused on their power, their success, their progress, their comittment their magical vibe. People might get envious about them. They might speak about those couples who are obviously made for each other… the reason why they are happy and strong together is: They have a masterplan. They create their relationship a multiple of times over and over again. How?

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If its getting boring in the relationship, they are aware of it and are seeking for exitement inside their relationship instead of searching for it outside. They are focussed and feel the other persons need. You might ask yourself: How can I become that magical and resilient in my personal relationship?

And perhaps you will find out easily:

  • Observe– what does your spouse need
  • Offer– if you know the person you love needs something, than offer it without expecting something back in return
  • Be Grateful–  for being with that person. Pay attention to the person you love.
  • Be loyal: safe all his/her secrets and be loyal in every kind of way.
  • Be honest: perhaps its comfortable to tell a lie her and there, but focus on being honest and trustworthy on the long run you will find happiness with your spouse
  • Be exited: Your spouse is entering the room. Are you just saying „hello“ and then looking back to your laptop/smartphone or standing up, giving a big hug and telling the person you love how great it is to see him/her again?
  • Offer Respect: there is a unknown truth of being respectful. Allthough you are not the same opinion, you can offer the other person in front of you respect. You don’t need to have the same opinion, but you can respect each others views on a higher level
  • Get spiritual: Whatever you might believe in, or whatever you have in common— it can help you to build up a strong bond. You both believe in God? great, you might feel connected on a deeper level through it, or you both love soccer or coffee? So you will have something to talk about– or enjoy together without any words needed.
  • Be interested: Perhaps you love reading and your spouse is a person who enjoys movies more then a book. If you know he/she has a certain interest, it is pretty nice to show interest, allthough that topic might not be as exited as you might think by the first time. He/she would really feel more connected to you, if you show interest into his/her hobbies, obsessions and passions. And one the other side: Many books will have a movie debüt afterwards. Perhaps it might be interesting for you to read a book and then watch the movie based on that book as a couple?
  • Do your thing: People often get lost in their relatonships. Thats a huge issue. If you just invest and forget yourself and expect that everything is coming back to you but the spouse does not act as you might expect, then you should realize: You forget yourself, you got lost. So find yourself again. What is your thing? What do you like to do? Its important to do the things you enjoy on a regular basis in order to feel happy again. Nobody expects from his/her spouse to change to 180 degree. Why did that person fell in love with you? Because you did your thing! So do what you enjoy the most in order to get back on track.heiraten in dänemark.jpg

Every couple struggles sometimes. Believe me. In every relationship ups and downs are included. But your attitude is which can change a „relationship“ to a „really magical, and successful, lucky partnership“ on the long run.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this. Do you know such kind of couples who look magical and have that certain vibe? Are you already building up such a strong bond? Love to read your personal insights about the whole issue… so if you like leave a comment now!

 

Thougtful wednesday: The idea of being more present with people we love

Hopefully you enjoy your life so far no matter which problems you have to face. Do you ever thought, that everything is too much for you? That you can not handle a certain issue which bothers you? Did you ever felt exhausted by your own thoughts and overwhelmed by your surroundings?

The reality is sometimes surreal. Do you feel deeply but cannot express all your insights because other people might think you overreact? Weiterlesen „Thougtful wednesday: The idea of being more present with people we love“

Motivational Monday: Are you able to re-evaluate a relationship?

Strong relationships are built by those people who care about. If you want good people in your life you have to focus on those who support you instead of judging you.

I was inspired by a humble woman who wrote about relationship skills and that she always had a hard time with her mother. They met each other and their get-together always did end up with the speech of her mother: „AcctuallyI regret that we met each other today. I am always so sad after meeting you.“ Usually they would not understand each other and have a verbal fight… but that woman loved her mom although both were so different. That is the reason why she thought about a solution to improve that relationship as soon as possible.

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The great idea of re-evaluating a relationship came up and she decided to give her mom another chance. Before the next meeting she embraced the progress. She told herself to just stay in the moment: no past, no judging, not trying to convince her mom about her own opinions. She focussed on having a good time with her mom and just stay calm.

Surprisingly the meeting went really great. She enjoyed the company with her mom for the first time. They spent a whole day together: they went shopping, ate dinner and watched a great movie. They never had laughed so much before.

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The daughter really improved the relationship with her mother by this meeting. She respected her for the first time with all these differences and opposite character of her own. By reading that story I felt so inspired by her course of action.

  • Why should we not give other people a second chance to be a part of our life?
  • Are we judging others because of our selective perception?
  • Do we take the speech and actions of others too personally?
  • Do we always need a confirmation of the outside to feel good? 
  • If we are able to change on a daily basis, why do we manifest a certain picture of people in our memory/mind forever? 

Unfortunately I am really bad in changing my mind about people who did not find the kind of respect towards me I assume to deserve. That is the reason why if somebody acts like a jerk towards me, that person will be strongly „game over“ for me. I am really friendly and uncomplaining, always trying to fit myself into situations with people. But if I find out that somebody is using me or unfair, then he/she has to bear with the consequences.

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Perhaps it is just a manner to protect myself of bad people and evil. Nevertheless I am believing in the fact that everybody deserves to get good attention. People are so different. Everbody is unique. And with that knowledge you can really change your mindset. Why? Because if you know that somebody is the opposite of you, it is easier to understand, that the person has another perception then yourself. Other values, different opinions, another past, a different present and another future then yours.

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Very often we are in connection with other humans, which we would not choose voluntary. For example you are working in a company. Then you have to fit yourself with the other colleagues if you don’t want to be a smug.

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Or imagine you are in a partnership with somebody. In most cases you will have contact with family & friends of your spouse too. That can be a big challenge. On other terms and conditions you could just walk away and focus on something different. In this case to look the other way is not an option for you.

Think about all those relationships, where your stomach starts to ache by just thinking of. Can you find a way to improve those relationships?

  1. Embrace the moment.
  2. Stay friendly and calm
  3. Let the other person as he/she is (no judging)
  4. Respect that another person acts different to you
  5. Be aware of your good character and stay politely
  6. Sometimes less speech is better then discussing (save your energy for the important stuff!)
  7. Focus on having a good time (be positive, supporting and low-key)
  8. If somebody offers you an execuse, you should consider to accept it.
  9. Make peace with your past.
  10. Try to bring something new into a relationship, which got kind of stucked.

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We as humans are living in communities. We are all different but we can support each other with our unique views of the world. I am always dreaming of a society which does not need envy, hate and war. Sadly it all starts with one person: ourselves.

  • If you are not able to forgive, another person will not forgive you either.
  • If you are not able to improve your character, who else should do that job for you?
  • It is your life! Be aware avout your decisions and your own faults first, before you put your finger on somebody else.

Most of the time it is a big mistake to be filled with bitterness. Perhaps the other person was not able to act different in a certain situation towards you. Why you should be bothered forever because somebody hurt you?

I know, its complicated. But if you are able to re-evaluate your relationship, you will be surprised how happier you become afterwards. At first it might look like a huge mountain you have to climb. After embracing the situation it will not feel like this anymore. You will become stronger then before, smarter and more aware of yourself and your surroundings. 

Hopefully I could inspire you today, as the woman inspired me this weekend. Which relationship should you re-evaluate? Have a great start into your new week! Use the comment-function to write your insights down.

Motivational Monday Partnershipgoals: Why does a fight with my spouse help to clear the air?

Hopefully you had a great weekend and you are high motivated to start this monday with good intention and happiness. Did you had a great weekend so far?

I am grateful about the fact that my weekend was really awesome.  I enjoyed my me-time, quality-time with my husband as well as some adventures with our children.

On sunday I went to a circus with my family and I realized that the people around me were full of conflicts. I thought, its really bad for people, if they are having an argument but don’t know to handle their problems with each other in a proper way.

Honestly I often feel so emphatic that I could literally cry for other peoples headaches… but if those people would realize how powerful a fight can be and how much impact a solved conflict can bring into a relationship they would not be scared of fighting anymore. I am really optimistic about the fact that every interaction between human beings can help us to know each other on a deeper level, as well as explore ourselves.

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Most people are not able to handle conflicts in a decent way. They actually did not learn it as a child nor in their partnership. If a conflict arises a person which is not able to manage that problem in a professional way will react mostly in one of those four ways:

  1. He/she withdraws, like snails hide into their houses.
  2. He/she becomes silent and reacts offended and starts ignoring the other person.
  3. He/She attacks and insults the opponent without thinking about the consequences.
  4. He/She leaves because of the leck of ability to handle any conflict.

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The reason why people are afraid to handle conflicts with others is that they did not learn it. We can compare it with a small lesson of your childhood, like riding a bike or learning swimming. I am sure about the fact that at the first try of both activities you were uncertain and concerned about your ability to get through that exercise in a good way.

And that is totally okay. Why? Because people always need to do things more then once in order to get sure about it and to develope a certain confidence. The ability of proper conflict-management is not a native skill. You need to fight a couple of times in order to learn fighting in a wiser way.

If you recognize that fighting is not the end of the world, you will also learn, that fighting is quite usual and can even bring an impact to your relationship.  In most cases a great solution is on the way if you put your effort and your kindness into that conflict:

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Most reasons for fight:

  • People fight because they are different.
  • People fight because they have various needs.
  • People fight because of their selective perception.
  • People fight because of their different opinions, goals and values
  • People fight, because they misunderstood a lot, or misinterpret words, emotions and reactions of others
  • People fight because of cultural differences and lingual gaps.
  • People fight, because of bad habits and frustration.

This list could be a never ending one. Because there are so many reasons and options to start a fight with your spouse. But it does not matter, WHY you are fighting. Sometimes there is something in the air and a conflict arises suddenly…

The important thing about fighting is to prepare yourself for that „war“. You might laugh about my words, because I describe it in this way!  By preparation for a conflict I don’t mean to arm yourself and to check your weapons to be ready all the time. On the contrary I recommend that you should try to strengthen your skills belonging conflict-management. Then you can easily figure out how to fight with an successful outcome.

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Most parents show their children how to share a bar of chocolate and how to fight for their rights. But just a few adults teach their children how to handle with personal conflicts.

Especially that ability of conflict-management is needed and helpful in a partnership as well as in other aspects of our society. People who can calm down and stay politely in conflicts are an enrichment for all of us.

The generation Y was full of children which witnessed the divorce of their parents. I was really lucky that my parents did stay together, but in my class there were daily news about new fights of parents and claims of divorces.

I remember how broken those pupils were but actually they were happy about the fact that there were no more fights anymore. But some of them got that kind of commitment phobia. They were unable to trust someone close in their life afterwards, because of the divorce of their parents. Others thought they would do it so much better as their parents did, but they really failed.

A happy marriage is not build in a day. It needs the ability to invest and the investment is not allowed to be onesided. If both spouses are on the same level they can improve their partnership day by day. A qualified conflict-management system can realize building up a strong relationship: If you know how to fight, you can learn through all your conflicts. It is like an app which is updated. You will create the opportunity to have more space and be faster and safer afterwards.

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I like to compare a relationship with entrepreneurship. If you are running a business there can happen a lot of unexpected circumstances aka conflicts. If you learn to handle these problems and stay motivated you can bring your business on a higher level. If you create solutions for problems and conflics you can really be aware of everything and stay on top.

It is similar in a relationship. A good fight can clear the air. Your space you are living in sometimes needs an intensive housecleaning process. The emotional impact is huge, because you bring all these feelings out of your mind and give the other person access to exchange data with your heart.

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I personally don’t believe that a relationship does work without fighting and making ones peace with each other afterwards.

If one person is shy to fight or afraid of conflicts, he/she will do everything in order to please the spouse and to avoid a conflict. But that kind of relationship is not a healthy one. Because that person which is always swallowing his/her feeelings in order to keep a „peaceful environment“ will suddenly burn out. It is just a question of time.

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There are some rules, which are really helpful, if you are in an argument and belonging your future as a couple:

  1. You should start always with an I message: “ I am concerned.“, „I am sad.“ „I am angry“. And you should not say things like: I am sad because you are a jerk.“
  2. Explain and express yourself without complaining or warming up old stuff of the past!
  3. You should try to act honestly & politely allthough you literally would prefer to throw a plate on the floor ;O):
  4. Listen, what the other person has to say. And try to stay silent until the other person finishes his/her explainations. Don’t interrupt. I know that’s really hard but you can train yourself to stop interrupting. Give the other party that space to express his/her feelings and sorrows
  5. Review about the situation and ask the other person about personal wishes and suggestions to solve a certain problem.
  6. Mention which is important to yourself and stay calm.
  7. Agree on a compromise, even if you would like to win this fight. In most cases both spouses are right. But naturally you feel that your point of view is the right term. A compromise is the tool which let you both become winners instead of a winner and a looser result. You should always support a win- win situation
  8. Reflect about the feelings and the needs of the person you love and share your life with.
  9. How can you support that person? Would it bring an impact to continuate in this condition? Evaluate the consequences of your speech, actions and intentions and try to bring a greater value into your partnership
  10. Balance is the key to handle any conflict. If you are sad about something and you miss to point this out, it is possible that your spouse is not aware of your sadness. Communication is the key to a happy marriage. Try to express your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis in order to avoid that you collect a huge amount of unpleasent feelings.

Fighting with your spouse is not as bad as it might seem by the first sight. It is the oppurtunity to get to know each other better and to connect and find compromises. Fighting cleans the air, because you can express yourself. If your spouse is able to have a good fight with you it can intense your partnership. Solving problems brings a great value. So if you learn to fight with introducing peace into that process, you will really fresh up your partnership after every conflict.

Hopefully you enjoyed reading this. WAIT! If you did, please press the like-button or share this with somebody who should read this blogarticle. I really love people to stay connected and try improving themselves. If you want to help others too, then hit the share-button: Because sharing is caring!

How do you handle your conflicts?  I would really love to know how you think about managing conflicts in a relationship. Which hack do you want to share? Do you like to point out something which was not mentioned by me? Please use the comment function to interact!

Three underestimated love habits which are the key to a successful relationship

Love is magical. But remaining lucky with each other in a long-term relationship might seem as a hard job for you. Obviously some couples are not happy on a daily basis. That is the reason why I like to pay attention to those habits who make you feel happier as a couple, especially if you live together in a long-term relationship. Today I want to share with you three love habits of really lucky couples. You easily can transfer those habits into your own partnership and hopefully you will bring your relationship on a higher level as soon as possible. Weiterlesen „Three underestimated love habits which are the key to a successful relationship“

11 ways to show your love without being on her mercy!

There are a lot of variants of showing your love towards the person you really feel connected with. Unfortunaly some men are not able to show their feelings in a directly way. Saying „I love you“ is not everyone’s favorite „to do“.

Some men grew up with a father who did not show his love directly to their mother. Others feel weak and at liberty if they tell a woman whats going on deep in their heart. I can tell you how you can show your love without given up yourself anyway.. Weiterlesen „11 ways to show your love without being on her mercy!“

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